𝐀𝐕𝐀

XVI. Keep This Between Us

      Chapter 16, Keep This Between Us
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   " I don't care how bad this gets, I don't care how much hair or damn life I lose. But you do not and cannot tell anyone, not even my friends. "

~ Harper's POV ~

    After getting diagnosed, I didn't speak to anyone about anything, I was just silent.
   I mean, what do you even say during this moment? What are you supposed to do when this happens? I didn't know how to react or how my friends would react if I told them.

    The room was filled with tense air, I didn't want to do anything or say anything, I just wanted to lie here until the cancer passed, I didn't want to anything bad to happen to me.
   My mom looked at me and sighed as she got up from the seat and walked out of the room, I was now alone, trying to figure out some kind of plan to overcome this and to get back to my normal everyday life.

     I was scared to tell my friends, I didn't know how they would react or if they would still be my friend afterwards, I mean some people take this as an opportunity to leave the friend and do their own thing, I'm practically on my deathbed and this is all I'm thinking about.
  When my mom walked back in, she had a few food items from the cafeteria considering that it was late and we were both hungry, I still hadn't spoken to her after the diagnosis.

   "You can't ignore me forever Harper,  you'll get bored of your own silence."

    My mother broke the silence as she opened a cookie bag and handed it to me, I looked at her and nodded slowly before removing the cookie from the bag and taking a bite from it, she was right and she knew that she was right.
   I looked at her as I sat up to eat the cookie and figure out what I'm going to say, I didn't want to be in silence for the rest of my life.

    "I'm just in shock, that's all.."

    I just want to pretend that this was all just a bad dream and that I'd wake up from it, but there's no walking up from a reality that's more painful than a nightmare itself.
   A yawn left my mouth as I relaxed into the bed and wrapped myself with the blanket they have given me, the nurses were honestly the sweetest things here so I found it enjoyable to be here but it didn't mean that I wanted to be here either, I just needed to find my missing piece of mind.

    "Are you going to tell your little friends? I know they're going to be completely devastated when they hear about this."

    My eyes popped out of my head as I looked at my mother before shaking my head vigorously, I decided that I wouldn't tell them anything in case I do get better.
  
    "I can't, they don't need to know about this, I'm just going to tell them it was the flu and then leave it at that."

    I sneered as I looked away and closed my eyes, that's when my mother began to go on a rant about how I should tell them and keep them updated or else she would tell them herself.

    "You don't understand how bad this could get Harper, telling your friends would take the weight and stress of your shoulders which you don't need right now and you'll have more people by your side."

     My mother snapped back at me as she crossed her arms and sat down at the seat, I looked at her and shook my head as tears began to sting my eyes, I didn't want to tell my friends and even if I did, I didn't know how I would bring up the topic.
   I couldn't just bring it up out of the blue and then walk off as if that's going to fix anything, their reactions are all I think about whenever I think about telling them, I didn't want them to stop being my friends.

    " I don't care how bad this gets, I don't care how much hair or damn life I lose. But you do not tell and cannot tell anyone, not even my friends. "

    I  demanded as I shut my eyes and tried to force myself asleep, I shouldn't be speaking to my mother this way but I just found out about a cancer that I didn't know I had, how am I supposed to stay calm freaking out and snapping at everyone isn't the right way but this is the first time I have ever gotten cancer, everything just felt surreal to me.
    Everytime that I close my eyes, all the memories pour back onto me and my eyes shoot open.

      What worried me the most is that people would think I'm doing this for attention, there's always going to be that one person that is so sure that you're faking an illness when you're not, that's another reason that plays a part in me not wanting to tell anyone what was going on.
   But if I wanted to have support from my friends and make sure that they don't worry that much, then I need to tell them soon.

     I didn't want to think about me getting worse, I didn't want to know that if I won't be able to make out alive.
   I just didn't want to have any more information about my cancer, I just wanted to be told that I'll be okay and that the tests were wrong.

    But things can't play out in my favor this way.