In The Middle Of Everything

Prologue

"Interstice is a space that intervenes between things or it could also be a gap or break in something generally continuous."

Using two words, I'd like to describe myself as an 'average person'. I'm so used to being the person always in the middle. Hindi sa una, hindi sa huli, pero nasa gitna. Not that pretty, and not that ugly, average look with a good sense of humor. Hindi malaki ang katawan at hindi rin naman balingkinitan. Hindi katangkaran at hindi rin naman maliit. Ayos lang kumbaga. Hindi mayaman at hindi rin naman mahirap, may kaya kung tawagin. Well, literally the very definition of an average person.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Binaybay ng aking mga mata ang suot kong oversized na kulay abong t-shirt, itim na leggings, at itim na slides. I shrugged and tied my hair up, hindi na pinansin ang mga nalaglag na buhok dahil maikli pa ang mga ito. 

I always wanted to change my style, hindi lang matuloy-tuloy dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang uunahin. Also the fact that I don't have any idea what style would fit me scares me. So, I have no choice but to stick to something I'm used to. Well, familiarity. That's what people like me do instead of going out of my comfort zone, we tend to stick with something we're familiar with.

Today is, somewhat, special for me since it's the first day of our semestral break! After all the academic related stress that I went through, I think I deserve some me time. With my favorite tote bag hanging on my right shoulders, I'm good to go.

I'm not yet hungry kaya napag desisyunan kong dumiretso na sa sinehan. My very first agenda for today is to watch a movie on my own. Tinanong ko ang ticket clerk kung aling palabas ang may kakaunting nanonood at iyon ang pinili ko.

"Here's your ticket for 'Joker', please let me know which is your desired seat, please. Last day na po ang 'Joker' ngayon kaya wala na masyadong nanonood." Iniharap niya sa akin ang isang screen at nakita kong wala pa atang halos sampu ang taken na upuan. I chose the one na malapit sa gitna.

"Almost ten minutes pa lang po 'yan, habol ka na po." Iniabot nya sa akin ang ticket at nginitian ako. Sinuklian ko ang ngiti nya at nagtungo na sa Cinema 2.

The movie was already halfway through when I entered the cinema. The clerk must be mistaken. Nagkibit balikat na lamang ako at nagtungo na sa upuan ko. 

The second I sat on my assigned seat, my tears suddenly broke out for no particular reason. Like they've been waiting for this moment. I tried to focus on watching the movie pero nagiging blurry lamang ang paningin ko. I cried silently. Hindi ko alam kung para saan ang mga luhang ito pero hinayaan ko na lamang silang pumatak. Just like the old times.

To be honest, I've already watched this movie in the Internet. The very reason why I sometimes go to cinema alone is to have a good cry. It may sound weird pero nakagawian ko na ito monthly. 

Tila natigil ang paghinga ko nang may naramdaman akong presensya na nakatayo sa may gilid ko. I purposely chose this seat dahil wala akong nakitang malapit dito. For months I've been doing this, this is a first.

Dahan-dahan akong lumingon at nakita ang isang balot na tissue na hawak ng taong nakatayo. Despite wearing a cap, alam ko na kaagad na lalaki ito dahil sa malaki nitong pangangatawan.

"I figured you'd need this," his voice is low but enough for me to hear it. 

It took me a couple of seconds before finally reaching out my hand to grab the tissue he's offering. "Uhm... Thanks?" May pagka malat pa ang boses ko dahil sa pag iyak. Suminghot ako at binuksan ang tissue na binigay nya. 

I looked up again and realized that he's watching me. Sisinga na sana ako, buti na lamang at napigilan ko dahil nakakahiya at andito pa sya.

"Uhm..." I don't know what to say.