Late Thoughts. . . ? I guess, idk.

Real world or fantasy?

I wrote this around.. idk prolly somewhere around July. also I say Idk a lot so eh.

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"Real world or fantasy?"

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A week in June,

They said, "I wanna try something."
I said, "ok, what is it?",
but then they said, "you know what? never mind."

So we just sat there, doing our own thing, and silence taking over the room.
I never bothered to ask why — because.. I don't know.

I just.. don't know.

One thing I do know was that.. this is all just a frickin dream or some shi I made up in my head.

A world that I have imagine it to be.

In this world, I got a nice house, a comfortable bed — that the moment you lay down you'd fall asleep in just a millisecond, a nice view the second you look throughout the window,
and an overall peaceful scenery..

That I decided to share with someone.
A place where I feel safe and a person that makes me feel like I'm home.

Sadly, there are some things I won't get in here the same thing I get in the real world.

Sure, sometimes I wish that I could just stay here – with them, spend our time together, planning on how to start our days together, have breakfast together, to hold them dearly close to my beating heart when they claim that they have had a nightmare, to find comfort from someome while also giving the same thing to them.

To also have someone that has the ability to make me... feel things.

The feeling of my beating heart speeding up, and the way the blood rushes to my cheeks when they tease me and start flattering me, the feeling of butterflies waking up in my stomach when they hold my hand or when they touch my cheeks and wipe my tears when I feel overwhelmed about everything, to feel giddy when I'm around them..

I admit that as cliche as it sounds, it feels... kinda nice.

To be loved by someone, held by someone, comforted by someone, to have someone understand you, and to know that you're not alone in your lowest times.

To have someone to spend your life with.
Someone you can actually feel love and felt love with — the moment you see and feel them.

Someone to look through all your flaws and tell you that everything you do – is endearing... to them.

You know, when I first created this so-called "world" of mine. I just imagined me in a nice house with a nice view and a peaceful scenery that I can look at while I eat my breakfast – and when I wake up in the morning I can already hear the birds singing, the sun pouring out through the tiny gap in the curtains.. and know that I'm safe

and away from all my problems.

Then I..
Well, I.. started feeling lonely. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice feeling to be peaceful and to spend some time with myself but.. I could not shake the feeling of.. yearning for someone — yearning for someone I don't even know.

I Don't know if they even exist or not.

So I started exploring and exploring this so-called world of mine and started looking for "that" someone.. until I ran out of time.

I heard a beep as I was walking down a sidewalk. I lower my head as I sigh in defeat.

I guess I'll have to try next time...... again,
and then..  I wake up.

Now, my dream world is the only place where I can just do whatever I want and makes me feel safe, and I know some people will agree with me on this.

No one to judge you. No one to hurt you. No one to please. No need to pretend that you like something. It's like living the dream life. In my case, and maybe other people too, literally.

It's my safe space... aside from me staying up late at night — in the real world.

Now,
As good as that may sound.. The real world is where we — I can get.. a decent meal. Where I can hang out with real and actual people, a place where I can have fun a day or two, and to take a nice shower..

However, the real world also has.. complicated... uhh.. situations..

There's some people that judge you. Corruption all over the world. Government taking advantage, prejudice, racism, crimes and blah blah blah etc. etc..

You get my point, right?

and all of this is just unfair. Un–fckin–fair...

The real world has always been like this if you think about it. It's just exactly like.. what I read from a site a while back. It says, "People don't realise that they're trying to cure a disease that cannot be cured, sure it can be "delayed" or something but it cannot be cured.",

I mean.. at least that's what I remembered.

I don't know, I have a bad memory.

Sometimes I have trouble choosing. Do I like the real world? I mean yes but also no.

Do I like my dream world?
... also yes.

I just don't know what to choose.

The real world or fantasy? Meh, I'll just pick both ig.

Idk, I'm getting a frickin headache just by thinking about it.

Well, I guess I gotta go start my day now.
Talk to you later.

- C.