My Stepbrother, My Mate

Chapter 28

'Are you hungry?' I flipped over from our movie to face Christan, throwing my now empty bag of MnM's on my bedside table, still feeling peckish. 

We had decided, after days of constant hardcore training and mourning to take a break. We were both curled up into our bed with the laptop, and were watching Prince of Persia.

It was a way of numbing ourselves to the world around us.

'Afraid not. I'm Christan. Nice to meet you' He held out his hand to me, amusement glistening in his eyes.  

'You're turning into a classic dad with all these really bad jokes' I said on instinct, before immediately regretting my words.

My thoughts immediately flashed back to the night when Christan had taught Valerie "how to pull her thumb from her finger".
I had repeated the same phrase to him at the time.

And she was there.

And she made us all happy.

'Its always the little things with her, isnt it?' Christan's smile had dropped a fraction, like his memories and mine were in sync.

'Isnt it just' I sighed, averting my eyes back to the screen that had been changing frames without me processing them.

'Anyway. Food? What can I get you? Savoury? Sweet?' I changed the topic quickly, to try and attempt to shove past whatever feelings arose.

I wasnt ready to cry again. I didnt want to.

'I dont really mind' Christian obviously forced a smile, feeling exactly the way I did.

He cast his eyes upon the film again, as I let a breath escape my lips.

I went towards the door, a hole in my chest where a joyful daughter should be, when Christan sighed out loud.

'What?' I spun round, meeting his eyes.

He stretched his arms open across two corners of the headboard of the bedframe, raising an eyebrow in question as if in gesture of an offer.

I let myself say yes internally, with the expection of not being weak enough to cry.

I stalked towards him slowly, cuddling up beside him properly this time, when he wrapped his arms around me like a sloth wraps its arms around a tree.

He sat with me in silence for a while, letting me watch his chest rise and fall with life, as we watched the movie. My thoughts numbed to the movie, and I took in the moment I had with the person I loved.

It was perfect.

....Till I felt that creeping feeling as I cuddled with Christian; that I shouldn't be doing it.

That my mother wouldnt approve. That I put her through the death of the entire pack, that she deserves to be happy.

I felt myself shifting uncomfortably under his touch.

Christian reached out and paused the movie, in the midst of the climax, but it didnt seem like either of us cared.

'What is it? You know you can tell me, right?' He sat up, as if knowing I needed to get something out.

And I did want to tell him. I didnt want to feel like this anymore.

'I.. I just..' I sighed, dropping my head down.

I couldn't face him properly.

I felt Christan's two rough-tipped fingers under my chin, lifting my head up slowly to face his as we still lay on the bed.