Regardless 1.

Chapter 3: 𝔸𝕒𝕣𝕠𝕟?

Tuesday 19th May.                                                                                                                                         
Daniella's Pov.

"Are you taking your meds now?" she asked, still noting the last thing I said. Her legs were crossed, one knee over the other. The fitted sky blue, pantsuit she wore contrasted well with her royal blue and white air maxes on her feet. The gold anklet against her dark brown skin looked regal.

She pushed the square-framed black glasses up onto her nose bridge, pulling the long, loose hair from her sleek , side parted ponytail onto her left shoulder as she waited expectantly for me to answer.

"Nope," I smile and she sighs.

"Why is that so?"

"It kills my personality, Erica...It gets so boring without the rest of myself," I sassed and she shook her head, taking notes.

"It's for your own good Daniella," she warned in a breathy, unsatisfied tone, "And what did you do with your meds?"

"I donated it..like every other time. What is living if you can't go a day without poppin' a pill?"

"It means a stable, sound mind."

"That just makes me feel more empty..weed does it for me sista," I fold my fingers over my palm, staring at my long stiletto acrylics. I did one hand long and the other short.

"So, how have your days been since you stopped taking them?"Erica inquires.

"I can eat, I don't need to sleep as much. I have stopped having excessive panic attacks. I haven't fainted in months and my menstrual cycle is stable."

"This is since you are off the Anti-depressants? This self-experiment is dangerous and you haven't said anything..most of these medications work hand in hand. You should let me know when you are doing these things."

"Yes, I only take a reduced dosage of the mood stabilizers."

"Would you say that you are still depressed?"

"I am, I still feel disconnected."

"How often do you have suicidal thoughts?" she asked and I tensed immediately.

"I have the urges every few days, I don't care if I get hurt but I know that if I am presented the opportunity, I might hurt someone."

"Hurt them in what way? If your abuser was to approach you during one of these breaks, what would you do?"

"I might kill him without a second thought," I look her in the eyes and I swore she shivered slightly thought trying to keep an expressionless face, "Are you scared of me?" I asked, slightly offended.

We are friends outside of this and though it's wrong, we are close. I expect her to trust me more.

"Are you scared of yourself Daniella?" she asks hitting the nail on the head, "Are you scared of what you can do even if you don't want to?"

"Those pills were driving me to the edge. I feel no better without them, I'm ignorant and I get angry to the point where I can't recognize myself...I swear to you I don't want to hurt anyone..but the urge is there...sometimes," I ground my teeth trying to calm myself down.

"I'm going to give you an assessment, you're going to get a hamster-" she started but I cut her off, rolling my eyes.

"A rat?! Sis, I ain't-"

"Do you understand that I was supposed to send your ass to a mental facility six months back?" she scolded with a deadly glare, "We might be friends Daniella but this is serious, I am risking my license here so you are gonna take that hamster and bring it back to me, every week. Do you hear me?"