just got off the phone with bella. it's her birthday. i miss her a lot and i'm excited to see her in a few weeks. i'm so excited for school but also terrified. i'm scared that i'm going to do something that i regret. i also hate the feeling of having to overexplain myself. just let me live.
sometimes i fear that i made no progress since last semester. i know i did though. i really did. will people be able to see it? i want to kiss someone. how is my love language touch, but i've been brutally deprived?
its 1230 i almost forgot to take my meds. let me do that now.
okay done.
sometimes i just feel like i'm waiting for the time to pass by, but i know that its going to come and go so quickly. i don't know if i'll ever know what's good for me.
sometimes i want to scream at her and tell her everything. every last thought and post and stomach drop and everything. i can catch myself kinda letting it slip though. i don't care as much. what happened, happened. it sucks and that's okay. i move on.
i have a philosophy that there's no use in trying to get over feelings. why feel angry at them? embrace every second of them. feel the hurt so you know how good it feels to be loved yk? why would i be angry at myself for not being over someone? i would rather just let myself feel it. when the time comes, it'll pass. it'll pass. it'll pass.
