You Will Be Ok

Author's Note:

Hi everyone! I've been selected to write this letter in partnership and to raise awareness of the program RiseUp powered by Kids Help Phone. The RiseUp program is a free, 24/7 French and English wellness support service for Black youth across Canada. I think it's very important that Black kids have support and guidance as they grow up. Often when Black kids need mental health support, they're typically met with restricted options and insufficient care. A program like RiseUp was made to aid in closing that gap and I believe a service like this is a necessity for Black youth to have regarding any issues they're currently facing, none too big or too small. The letter I've written is to my younger self before starting my first day of high school. I hope someone is able to feel supported by my words.  

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To my younger self,

As you get ready for the first day of high school, I know you don't have a clue of what you'll be getting into.

You're highly aware that everything from this moment on will be completely different. And with differences comes difficult adjustments, sometimes accompanied by anxiety for the unexpected. However, I think this change is something you might really need.

For 10 years, you were schooled in an environment where you were one of five Black kids in your grade, and the only African person in your grade. I know you felt extremely isolated sometimes when you were in that environment. You didn't look like many of the other kids. Sometimes there were moments where you were very aware that they didn't understand what it was like to see the world from your perspective. They didn't know what it was like to have your type of hair, to have your natural hair in twists or within box braids (especially for Picture Day when someone thought you would straighten your hair like everyone else did). They didn't know what it was like to be told, "You look like this person," and the only thing you and that person have in common is that you're both Black. With many more examples, extreme and not extreme, the differences were huge, and you managed to get through it all even when it felt like your self-esteem was knocked down to the ground. For elementary school, you often coped by reading whenever you felt down, throwing yourself in another world to make you feel better. And in that time, your biggest support system was your mom. She never made you feel like you were any less because you were "different." Even as you enter high school, her support for you will not change.

But now, your school environment is drastically different as you enter high school. You know the predominant race of your high school is Black and many of those kids, like you, are of Nigerian descent. That's rare in Canada, even in a city like Toronto. Try not to be nervous. I don't think I have to tell you that, even though you are. But you're outgoing. I know you'll be OK.

Your worries at this time vary if I remember correctly. You're dealing with a lot in the family department. You're also worried that you won't make the basketball or soccer team when tryouts open up (spoiler: you did for both, and volleyball too, in Grade 11). You're nervous wondering if pre-AP classes are going to be as hard as they seem. You're not exactly worried about making friends, but you're worried if the friends you have from elementary school are going to stay your friends through the distance (another spoiler: some of them do, and some of them don't).

One worry that you have, different from your experience in elementary school, is wondering if you were "Black" enough. Sometimes, stereotypes like how Black people walk and talk get pointed out, especially when you're a kid... When you seem to act differently in comparison to the rest of the kids in a new community that you enter. Sometimes, you think about it since you grew up in an area where not that many Black kids were. I want to let you know that this stereotype of "acting Black" will mean absolutely nothing to you as you get older. You'll learn that no matter how you talk, whether you sound "white" or not and the music you listen to (go through those musical phases loudly, you're doing just fine), nothing can invalidate your Blackness in any way, shape or form. You'll stop thinking about it midway through high school for a few reasons. One reason is the people you surrounded yourself with. They'll help you unlearn the idea that you should act a specific way and that being yourself doesn't make you any less of anything.

In addition, the friends that you'll make in high school become a big part of your support system. They're people who easily make you laugh in the middle of class, help you, encourage you and want you to grow as they do too. You still talk to them today.

While people get added to your support system, other methods of coping are added as well. During this transition, you'll start writing more often. Writing brings you joy. Interacting with people who read what you produce and like what you produce brings you joy. Playing sports also helps, along with all the books you find yourself reading at any given moment. Even though you'll be busy during high school, you'll always find time to read and get lost in a fictional world.

And at the centre of your support system will still be the same person it was when you were a kid. The same person in your teens and in your 20s — your mom. She'll advise you and she'll cheer you on day by day. So just know it'll be OK if you make a mistake — she'll try to help you in any way she can.

Despite the support you have, I wish someone told you this — that sometimes, things won't work out, and that's OK. You have an "If I don't do this, I won't get here," mentality. A part of this is carried over when you enter university too, but luckily, you'll find out that it won't be the end of the world if things don't go down the path you initially planned. Just know that somehow, you will figure it out.

There are many things you can look forward to in the future. One, it was a great idea picking the high school you chose. You'll get the opportunity to learn more about the Nigerian-Canadian experience through many different lenses as well — no longer just your own. Two, you can look forward to publishing your first book and to writing more characters that have traits like you inside and out, and some that are nothing like you at all. Three, you can look forward to university and realizing which parts of science you like and which you despise completely. You can look forward to learning and seeing new things that will blow your mind.

So, finish putting on your uniform, grab your backpack and go. Life will get better. New experiences, challenges and successes await. And trust me when I say, even though you're nervous right now, you will be OK.

Good luck.

From,

Nicole

With the support of my family and friends, I was able to overcome many stressors as I went through different transitions in my life over the years. I believe that support of any kind is essential, especially when growing up. With a service like RiseUp powered by Kids Help Phone, Black youth across Canada can text RISE to 686868 to connect with a trained, volunteer crisis responder at any time. It's confidential, and issues are neither too big nor too small to text about.