Torture

Stay Away From Me

I screamed and screamed into my pillow, crying to the point where I felt like my head was going to explode and no tears were left.

It's been a month since I last saw Xavier. He's still continuously calling and texting me, which is killing me. I would love to give in and forgive him, but I just couldn't let myself.

But I've been crying non stop. I just can't seem to stop no matter how bad I want to. I've still been managing to work still, but after that everything else is a blur. I've been going from party to party, getting as black out drunk as possible.

I was really starting to fall for him, but I smacked the ground so hard I'm still trying to recover. I can't believe he'd do this to me, we weren't exclusive. But we were definitely getting serious.

Kailani and Collin are in Canada for the weekend, it's like their four year anniversary or something. So I decided to have a very small low key and respectful party, of one.

That's right, I'm going to lay in bed eating junk food and getting drunk while crying all weekend long with not a single soul to bother me.

I heard a knock on the main door of the apartment. I sighed and quietly walked over to the door, peeking through the peephole. It was Xavier, as I assumed it would be.

And me in my not so great decision making situation, I swung the door open. But I definitely blocked him from being able to just waltz right in. "What do you want?" I slurred rudely at him, hiding my emotions as best as I could while drunk.

"Please. Please let me explain." Xavier said, practically on his knees begging. I rolled my eyes and tried to close the door but he stopped me. I groaned loudly and kick the door in anger and frustration.

"Xavier. When are you going to get it through your head, I don't want an explanation and I don't care about you." I said, Xavier looked at me and I swear I could see his heart shatter.

"I hate you." I said. He looked at me, right in the eyes. "And I'm in love with you." Xavier said, my heart stopped. "What?" I asked, stepping away from him slightly.

He came closer and gently touched my face. "I hate you, because you made me fall in love with you. And you won't let me explain who that slut was and that she was lying." Xavier told me, my stomach filled with butterflies and I slowly looked up at him.

"I'm falling too." I told him, Xavier leaned down and kissed me. The kiss turned from awkward and uncomfortable to passionate and loving. We moved ourselves clumsily to my room, and we resumed having the best make up sex in the world.

The next morning I woke up to an empty bed. I frowned and my heart ached. I fell for everything he said, we fucked, and now he's gone? I should have learned my lesson.

I jumped at the sound of someone's voice coming from the doorway. I looked up to see Xavier with coffee and breakfast, I smiled and my body relaxed. "I'm still here." He said and got into bed with me, we had our coffees and food before laying in bed and watching TV.

We both did some work from the bed, fooled around, and napped.

After a long and amazing weekend, Kailani and Collin were home and Kailani was beyond pissed that I allowed Xavier over and to sleep over the whole weekend. Xavier exploded on Kailani and Collin and then left.

After Xavier left the apartment, the three of us sat down and talk everything out. "Do you really think this is a good idea?" Kailani asked, I shrugged. "I honestly don't know. But I do know that Xavier and I are in love and I don't know if it will last forever, but for now, I'll take all I can get." I told them, they both nodded and we shared a group hug before making dinner and watching a movie.

Later that night Xavier and I talked on the phone. "I know. They're just angry at you, especially Kailani. It will take time, they just want me to be happy." I explained to him, he sighed and said he knew that but that it still sucked.

They didn't care if that rich white trash bitch was lying or not. I was a wreck for a whole month and it killed Kailani to see me like that. But it happened and we have chose to move on.

If you were to ask me right now, what the hell I'm doing with my life, I wouldn't know how or what to answer. Because truth is, I can tell this relationship is going to be toxic. There's too many red flags.

But for some reason, I just can't shake the feelings he gives me. It's never boring when we have sex, we have quite a bit in common, and he makes me feel safe and happy.

The relationship may not last forever, but for now, I'm going to soak it all in.