Journal du Jour

I'd rather watch grass grow.

One of David's favourite phrases he came up with to describe what he thought of fishing was, "I would rather watch grass grow."

That irked his father who was an avid fisherman. When David was born, his father was extremely excited. Not for the reason that his last name would be passed down to another generation, but because he had a son he could take fishing, even before the kid could walk. So David grew up with the word fishing as his middle name. However, unfortunately for David's father, his son detested fishing. He detested fishing to the degree that he would feign illness when his father came to his room while he was still in his crib, carrying a fishing net. David never forgot the trauma of waking up and looking around for his mother, only to see his father appear in the doorway with a fishing rod. As soon as he saw his father beaming and uttering the words which he would ban in his own home later on in life, "time to go fishing!" David learnt to collapse in a heap in his crib. That made his father panic. His mother would appear and scoop up the kid in her arms, hold him close to her body pretending to take his temperature and would then declare poor David ill.

"He feels hot. He must have a cold. Sorry darling, he can't go out in the snow today to fish." "Thank God my mother is on my side!" was the first positive phrase David learnt, as soon as his immature mind could identify how he felt and he was able to put those feelings into words.

As David grew older, his mother grew more protective of her son. His father became more frustrated that he might have a son who wouldn't follow him in his footsteps. David's father couldn't possibly conceive that a son of his would not like to fish, oh no just not like, but to think it wasn't nirvana, was devastating to him. David's father looked enviously at the rest of his friends who would meet him down by the same overfished stream not very far from their home with their sons who were instructed in the intricacies of fishing, from the time they had popped out of the womb. In fact, instead of having books read to them about magical kingdoms and dragons and other such children stories, they had books read to them about fishing. Luckily, as mentioned before, David's mother disliked fishing as much as David and came to his aid whenever her husband tried to interfere with his upbringing. "So, where's David?" asked a friend as he put on his waders so he could walk out into the middle of the ice cold stream to cast his line. David's father would use the same excuse he had used for years, "he's sick today."

"You have a sickly child, unlike our boys," laughed the others. "Our boys are brought up to be macho, just like their fathers. Maybe you need to do something about young David before he gets crushed by a Goliath later in life!"

A few good rounds of laughter were had by all, except of course by David's father who gradually opted out of going fishing with his obnoxious friends, and instead went by himself. When David was around 5 or 6, he decided that he was being unfair to his father and should go with him to see what this pastime was really all about. Needless to say David's father was thrilled when on a Friday night his son came up to him while he was aimlessly watching a knitting show on TV and said, "dad I think I've been unfair to you and so I'm prepared to go fishing tomorrow and see what this rage is all about." David no doubt as you have already figured out, was a very intelligent kid especially when at the age of 5 or 6 he could formulate a sentence such as that. David's father immediately turned off the knitting show, jumped out of his chair nearly knocking over his hot milk and picked up his son.

"You're going to have the best time of your life!" he said hugging his son who just needed to be put down so he could start breathing again. David's mother who was busy in the kitchen cleaning up, upon hearing those words ran out into the family room to make sure that the new dish she had prepared for dinner hadn't had some yet to be detected peculiar side effects. But she had heard correctly, and she was shocked to see her poor son being squeezed to death in her husband's arms. She requested that he put him back down on the carpet where she could administer first aid if required. Luckily, David began to breath normally after a couple of gasps. "Are you ok, son," asked his mother and David nodded his head unable to form any verbal response yet.

"I'll wake you up at 3," continued his father still utterly shocked that his son was going to go fishing with him. 'Wait till Jehovah learns that David will be tagging along tomorrow,' David's father thought to himself, still giddy with excitement. It was then that David realised that he had made a huge error in judgement. One he put down in later life to his immaturity.

"3am?" he asked his still overly excited father.

"Yes, we have to be at the lake by 5."

"Isn't it still dark dad?" he asked, "at 5 in the morning?"

"Yes, it is," replied his father taking his own pulse because he still couldn't believe that finally his son was turning in his direction. "And cold," he added with much gusto. Yes, David had definitely made a mistake and David's mother knew he had made a mistake, but not David's father who was still on cloud number 9.

David took a huge gulp but decided he had committed himself and so he would have to go through with the expedition.

Later the next evening David slept soundly on the lush carpet in front of the fire still trying to dry out from a day of being exposed to the most vile elements the heavens could throw at him. Rain, sleet and hail that pierced his skin or at least tried to, and hours spent standing in ice cold water at the end of which they caught nothing, and neither did anyone else. But the excitement that exuded from the others on their way home made it sound as if they had caught a whale. David though decided that tiddly winks was a much a better pastime than what he had endured and promised himself that he would never expose his precious body to that sort of abuse again. The next weekend when David's father came to David with much excitement asking him if he were ready to go fishing again, it was at that precise moment that David in his well formed mind, came up with the phrase that has held him in good stead these many years, "I would rather watch grass grow!"

His mother was very pleased with his ability to counter his father's aggressive nature and applauded her son when he uttered that phrase, which no doubt would find its way into the lexicon of excuses to use when asked to go fishing.