ENCHANTED, kim namjoon

xi. ready to let go

XI. READY TO LET GO

Late nights were reserved for the thinkers and dreamers.

How did it get late so soon? It was like a minute ago they were riding trams and walking around places with endless conversations. Now they were back in the Albertina, sitting down on the steps below the statue of Archduke Albrecht on his horse, a cup of coffee each in their hands, slowly becoming cold since they went to a convenience store. Late nights were for sleeping, but neither of them wanted that.

But nights held the sounds of nightmares and anguish. Their eyes were tired, their energy levels having depleted brought by the dark. Late nights brought on reflections and loneliness. Late nights were reserved for painfully honest conversations that no one thinks of having during the daytime. Everyone becomes a little more honest when sleep hangs over their heads.

In certain beliefs, 3 AM was a witching hour, a time when supernaturals become more powerful. Neither of them believed in supernatural or paranormal things, but they did know that the late hour was dangerous. What was more dangerous and frightening than the ghosts haunting your own mind, reminding you of everything dark that lies in your memories and your experiences, forcing anxiety on you for all of the times you cannot handle not knowing what the future holds? There is such great anguish in being left alone with your thoughts.

"There was this one night I can't forget, just like this one," Namjoon started, breaking their comfortable silence. He sipped on his coffee, "My friend and I, we were drinking warm beer on the roof of his vacation house and we were just joking about life and stuff. But then, I don't know why or how, but we started to get a little honest. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the cold of the night, or maybe it was just me getting fed up with my thoughts."

Baram nodded, pulling her knees to her chest. "I know what you mean."

"How do you explain if you're just sad for no reason? Gravity's pull in stronger with each step you take and even if you find yourself in a situation where you should have been the happiest, your heart feels so tired and you want nothing more than to sleep. I remember telling him how I got into the shower and broke down under the scalding water. Problem after problem started piling up in my brain and I started to cry about everything. I'm fine, but there's something wrong and that fact overwhelms me and digs me a deeper hole. Until now I can't seem to explain it."

She shrugged, "There's no need to explain, the fact that you're feeling it validates it enough." She took a sip from her coffee, "And there's so much to what people feel, it can't always be narrowed down to one simple word."

He nodded at her words, "It's like I'm grieving for something but not even knowing what it is that I lost. Maybe that's why I'm studying to be a writer. I want to put those little unexplainable emotions into words and weave them into something that makes sense even if it's so broad and abstract. I could watch just the sound of your breath in this night and feel hundreds of things."

The girl sighed, getting caught up in her feelings as well. The change of emotions in her irises didn't escape Namjoon's notice. He didn't know her full story and knew that she wasn't intending on telling him her every secret, but he did know one thing. She was a child forced to grow up because of what the world expected of her. Every time the topic of this arises, she would always brush the negativity off and tell him that she was fine with it.

What if she's not? He didn't want to assume anything, but if he read her eyes right, she wasn't fine at all.

Already sensing the thoughts running through her companion's mind, Baram laughed softly. She stretched her arms over her head, "I guess it's my turn to share something, huh?"