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Driving up to the beach house after so many summers have passed, Jules is as nervous as she was before her very first ballet recital.
She must have been four or five at the time, wearing a pink tutu and glitter on her face, her black hair secured in a tight bun. Jules felt butterflies swarming in her stomach as she peeked behind the curtain at the audience. She reminded herself that she'd practised the choreography so much that she'd be able to do it in her sleep — and as soon as the music started, all her worries melted away.
That's the secret comfort Jules found in dancing: knowing exactly what steps to take and when, knowing that something emerged from all the hours she'd spent practising and overthinking and worrying about being perfect.
Now, over a decade and dozens of performances later, Jules finds herself unsure of what steps to take. There was no cure for the butterflies in her stomach. There was no guarantee that something would come from all her overthinking — there was no more cause to overthink. The past few months had been like that: a freedom that was both welcomed and intimidating.
Jules' mother and sister Nini (real name Nina) are on the porch swing when Jules pulls into the driveway. She gets out of the car, taking in the familiar shade of yellow and gentle sea breeze that welcomes her.
"You're here!" Nini exclaims as she runs to greet Jules. The four year old is about half Jules' size, but the hug she gives Jules is bone crushing. "I'm so excited you're here, Juju!"
Jules' mother smiles as she pulls her into a hug. "Hi, honey. How are you?"
"Good," Jules answers. "Glad to be back." She can't help but let a little sarcasm slip at that last part.
"I know it wasn't your first choice to spend your summer here, but —"
"You and Dad thought it'd be best for me to get out of the city," Jules finishes, rolling her eyes. She grabs her bags from the trunk and locks the car before following her family into the house. "I've heard it a hundred times."
"Let's go to the beach!" Nini jumps up and down, completely unaware of the circumstances.
"Sweetie, I think Juliet might be a little tired from the drive." Jules' step-mom Sonali, enters the foyer. "Hi, hon." She hugs Juliet, then turns to Nini. "How about you help me make cupcakes for your sleepover tonight?"
As Sonali and Nini disappear into the kitchen, Jules makes her way up the stairs to her room.
Everything looks the same as when she left: pink walls decorated with polaroids and watercolor paintings, her favorite books from middle school, a closet full of clothes that Jules has most definitely outgrown. Jules' pink jewelry box — a gift from Susannah Fisher — rests in the center of her dresser. She opens it and music from The Sleeping Beauty starts playing as a ballerina slowly twirls around. When she sees the turquoise mood ring she used to never go a day without wearing, Jules reminds herself that this was once her home.
