Dirty Little Secret

Chapter 1

 

Ever since last year when my 'friend' told the entire school that I thought I was gay I wasn't treated the same. Once upon a time I could walk around the hallways without anyone noticing I was there. In fact I walked into Maddison and she looked straight through me as if she walked into an invisible wall. Nowadays I consider myself lucky if I don't get harassed or pushed into lockers. But the worst person is none other than Dan Howell.

Dan Howell is the typical 'it' boy. He is the star in every teenage girls dream and the football star that every teenage boy aspired to be. His torments weren't what made me hate him so much; what irked me so much about him was that someone with such an angelic face could be such a douchebag.

As I got closer to my lunch table I saw my best friend Louise. Louise was my rock during all of this. When my parents found out I was gay, after receiving a worried call from my headmaster about my sexuality making several kids feel uncomfortable, they weren't exactly thrilled. They even tried to send me to a therapist conversely seeing a therapist would just make me look like even more of a freak. If that is even possible. Later during the year I found out my so called 'friend' had admitted that she had told her boyfriend Casper Lee (one of Dan's friends) about me being gay. I told her that I never wanted to see her again however during one of Louise and I's sleepovers she showed up trying to ask for forgiveness nonetheless Louise, who had an obsession with dying her hair, told her that if she ever saw her again the next colour she'd be dying her hair would be the colour her blood. Understandably she stopped attempting to see us.

"Hey Louise," I smiled weakly. Honestly, I feel like I can relate to zoo animals. People come and watch you from afar nevertheless the never get to close because you're too different. It's crazy how differently I get treated because I like boys and not girls, because I didn't just follow Dan Howell the Great and stood out. It's not that I am ashamed of whom I am but I would do anything to blend in again.

"How is my best friend ever? Oh my god you cut your hair! You look like such an emo! Ha-ha anyways how was your summer? Mine was great..." Louise droned on like an excited child on Christmas day.

I glanced over to the table surrounded by all the people I hated most. I hated them with a passion. Dan strode over with such confidence to them, to which they responded like Jesus Christ himself had been resurrected and was asking them to be his disciples. Except in my eyes he was more like the devil and was asking those poor idiots for their souls in exchange for cheap popularity.

Dan caught my gaze and mouthed to me the word "Fag". My eyes quickly looked back down at the table. Louise however hadn't even noticed my embarrassment and was still talking about some guy she met called Matt.

"He was perfect, Phil. Phil? Phillip!" Louise snapped her fingers in my face when she realised I wasn't paying any attention.

"Louise! Yes Matt sounds lovely, I'm so happy for you." I plastered on the fakest smile I could nonetheless she still bought it.

The bell shrieked indicating that break was over. The last three classes had been frees but this was my first proper class and I didn't even have Louise. Louise was bubbliest person I knew; even though her best friend was someone as big of a looser as me she still had a few other friends like Mary from the fat virgins gang and Emily from the school newspaper.   

As usual I was the first to enter class which meant I had time to get a seat front row. Most people tried to avoid front row however I loved it. It was reassuring to be in full view of the teacher; this was my way of not being able to get distracted. There was one thing in life that I was actually looking forward to. Louise and I agreed that as soon as school finishes we would go to university in London and I'll find myself a fit trophy boyfriend who also happens to be my soulmate. However to get into university I had to study hard and, as lame as it sounds, it was a great distraction from all the bullying. 

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing I would love more than to have a high school boyfriend, like every other person. Yet everyone here is either still in the closet or not gay.

"Phil Lester!" the teacher groaned.

"W-what?" I stuttered. Way to make a good first impression.

"Do you know the answer?" he pushed. I had been so distracted about my life in the future I completely zoned out. I hadn't even noticed the class had started.

I felt the entire colour drain from my face as I felt everyone's eyes burn into me.

"Gosh Phil. You even fail at being a nerd."

"Dick"

"Loser"

"X equals 7"

"Why are you even here?"

I try getting the voices from my head until I realise that the person directly behind me had whispered the answer to me. Maybe I could finally have a friend that's a boy?

"x is equal to 7." I reply.

The teacher mutters something along the lines of "took you long enough, mate".

I turn around to see who had told me the answer and to my surprise it was none other than Daniel James Howell.