My Saviour

Anger

Anger. Rage. Fury. 

The emotion of anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility. And it was a feeling Sarah was accustomed to. When she was younger, to her, her anger didn't add up. She would get annoyed over every little slip-up that came her way. Like, if she was doing a piece of writing in class and a teacher would tell her it was not what they wanted, she would feel her blood boil. Why isn't it enough when she thought it was just right?

That was an example of a very light rage episode, but she had worse. Anytime politics was brought up, she would rage and scream over all the injustices in the world. She was very passionate about the state of the world or in her words the shitshow of our world.  

As she got older, it all made sense. This study into her state of mind that she'd carried out for years finally added up. It all came down to genetics. Her father was the angriest person she had ever met, and clearly, those genes were passed on to her. When he returned from work, he'd insist on no one talking as he ate. The only sound in the house would be the voices from the tv. If anyone dared to speak, they'd get yelled at to shut up and watch the damn tv.

Unfortunately, Sarah was optimistic when she was younger. She always believed he would change so that they could freely talk to one another and somehow be a family. How wrong she was.

Sarah got constantly yelled at for speaking over the telly, whether it was a comment on the plot or just asking her dad's opinion on what was going on. She didn't get why he didn't want to talk to his child, but as she grew older she accepted it and decided she didn't want to speak to him either. 

He was a man who liked to throw things and take his anger out on inanimate objects. And it never ceased to scare Sarah, but she slowly became numb to it, and eventually, she fought back.

The three of them sat, as usual, having an awkward lunch. It was Sunday, so they had a takeout and her dad had control over what they were watching. Her mum had brought up bills and wanted to know how bad the mortgage was and Sarah's stomach dropped.

She knew what was coming, she was used to it. It was the main reason Sunday was the worst day of the week for her. It was when her mum would decide to talk about all the things that her dad did to annoy her. The things that she would spend the entire week screaming at Sarah about, making her lose her will to live. 

It was like Sarah was her emotional support animal. With every complaint her mother had, she had to scream about it at Sarah, causing her to resent her dad even more. 

When bills get brought up, it's like a switch in her dad's brain switches. He believes he knows what he's doing with the money, and so keeps the financial dealings of the household away from his wife. Which, of toll, causes a power struggle that Sarah has had to witness for her entire life. 

And she had just about enough of it.

As the shouting match began, Sarah began to zone out. She stared into her takeout box and tried to pretend nothing was happening. 

"Why can't I be told anything about OUR money?" Sarah's mother yelled, giving her dad a death stare.