no more chances

chance no.1

I looked up and saw him standing over the balcony with his hand reaching out trying to grab me. My hair was blowing in my face as I realized I was falling, and all I could do was cry a single tear thinking about all the last little memories we had together until I couldn't see him anymore and it was all dark.

<3 years earlier>

Some background knowledge about me, I'm 18 and a senior at my high school, my name is Ryan looker, most people when they read my name they think im a boy, and it's a big surprise to them when they realize I'm a girl. I'm 5’4 and I have light brown hair with dark brown eyes.
I haven't always had the best of days, I grew up in a household that was quiet yet loud. My parents were rarely ever home which made it quiet but when they were home they were constantly yelling or screaming at each other which made it loud. I was an only child, and I never had any friends growing up, so 9 times out of 10 I was alone having to deal with my own thoughts and feelings, that was until I hit high school, my family originally lived in a small town off the coast where everyone knew everyone until we all of a sudden had to move to the city because my parents both got really big job opportunities, I started going to my new school and then I became really popular. They say you don't get popular overnight but somehow I did. 

The one problem was my “friends” were really my friends, as much as I hung out with lunch or after school or over the weekends I was a lot quieter than they were, I didn't like being quiet but I never got the chance to be loud with them, they were always so judgemental and outdoing and confident that I was constantly degraded by them, but I didn't want to say anything to them because I knew as soon as I said anything I would lose them all and I would go back to being the outcast again, and I vowed to myself I would never let that happen again.

When I wasn't with my group of friends I was usually with my boyfriend, he was the first person I ever dated. I never dated anyone because I was always too scared to ask anyone out and no one wanted to date me because as soon as someone came up to me I would run away for the fear of being bullied. He was in the friend group before I was, everyone else in the friend group has been friends way before I showed up, and to be honest, when I joined and we started talking he was sweet and caring and didn't mind that I was quiet or didn't like to go out wear pink dresses all the time, he just let me do me, but we have been dating for almost a year and he isn't the same as what he used to be, he controlling and selfish, and he doesn't let me go out anywhere without him checking how I'm dressed or if how I'm dressed isn't up to his standard he would make comments the whole time I'm with him or tell me to change into something that shows more skin so he can show me off. I was never really comfortable with that though

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Words: 586

Thank you for reading this, this is the first chapter and honestly I'm so excited to be writing again and to finish this I haven't written in a very long time but now im getting back into it, so thank you all and love for all. Mwah