Happy Cow Ranch

How Am I Doin'?

I blink awake, feeling as though I'm sitting on a cloud. My mind is fuzzy, but I feel safe, and don't really need to think. When I turn my head away from the warm puppies in my arms I can see a man with dark hair, looking incredibly distressed. My bottom lip pulls into a pout as my heart begins to ache for this poor man.

Suddenly, a memory flashes in my mind of the man and I riding horses through the fall foliage, mine being significantly smaller and younger than his. He rides tall on the black Hanoverian, his chest puffed out as he looks across the land in front of us. I'm gazing up at him with admiration, and he catches my stare, returning it with a soft smile. Then, in the winter, an intense snowball fight that ends with me trying to tackle him and us getting hot cocoa from Gator. Finally, us in the summer, sitting on the porch of the lodge with sunglasses on; me sipping a lemonade, him a mint julep.

I search my foggy brain until finally a name is connected to the fun, adventurous memories of the man who seems to have taken care of me more than my own parents.

"J-Jamie?" I ask, smiling sleepily up at him. He seems confused, reaching out to cup my cheek, but recoiling at the last second as though he's afraid he might break me.

"Hey... How are you feeling?" He asks, scooting toward me. I reach a hand out, grasping weakly. When he takes my hand I giggle, curling up.

"How am I feeling? I..." I think for a minute, but quickly forget what I was asked, refocusing on him with a grin. "I missed you, Jamie."

"You... missed me?" He asked as though it was the most unthinkable thing in the world. I giggle again, looking up at him.

"Of course, I did, silly!" I exclaim, pushing my arms out, and therefore pushing his hand to his chest. He looks down, adjusting my hand in his as he holds it to his heart. "Why does my tongue feel weird?"

Jamie snaps his head back up to look at me opening and closing my mouth around my extended tongue, and gauges me with an appraising look, somehow simultaneously smirking and pursing his lips at the same time.

"You're extremely high right now, aren't you?" He asks, resting a hand on my temple.

"Uh, no. You're high," I shoot back, sticking my tongue out further.

"Oh my god," Jamie slowly bursts into laughter, doubling over. I can't exactly tell what's going on in his head, but I love to hear him laugh, to see the change from the way he was when I woke up.

"What am I doing here?" I inquire softly, flinching when I see his features drop once again.

"You don't remember?" He asks, his voice equally soft, yet smooth and low. I shake my head, pulling Koda closer in my arms. Hoka climbs over my thigh, sitting between me and Jamie.

"I think..." I start with a frown, and Jamie leans forward with anticipation. "I need another dog."

Jamie sits back with a sigh, head angled back.

"What's wrong, Jamie?" I ask, scooting toward him, my hand landing on his knee.

"I... I did something I shouldn't have. Hurt someone I really care about, and may have gotten myself in deep trouble," He confesses, a heavy weight seeming to lift off his shoulders.

"Oh, Jamie," I say, then pause. "Jamie, Jamie, Jamie." I take another pause as he looks up at me. "Jamie; that's a nice name, you know that?"

Jamie snorts and shakes his head.

"Jesus Christ. Drink some water, Maisie," He tries to place a glass of water in my hand, but I clench my fist. He looks up at me, a stern expression in his eyes. "Maisie."

I sigh, throwing off the covers and sitting up, guzzling down the water like a parched man in the middle of Death Valley. Guess I didn't realize how much I needed it.

"Did no one get you out of those bloody clothes?" Jamie looks me over in horror, and I can see something like pity in his eyes.

"What, are you British now?" I ask, and he frowns. I clear my throat as I prepare to break into a British accent. "'Ello love! What are those bloody clothes you got on? Bit of a fashion sin, innit, bruv?"

Jamie blinks at me, then picks up the glass that I had just emptied.

"I'm gonna get you more water." He stands, and I lunge for his hand, quickly pulling him down to sit beside me on the bed.

"D-Don't leave," I whisper, my head hung. He tucks the hair covering my face behind my ear, and I turn to look at him.

"Why?" He asks, his voice barely audible. He looks pained, and I can't tell why.

"I... I think something bad happened. And..." I look down again, trying to hide my watering eyes, but he just guides my head back up, his index finger and thumb gripping my chin. "I'm really scared, Jamie."

His face was slowly scrunching into a pained expression with each word, but when I said his name he winced, as though a dam just broke inside of him. He looks damn near crying, and before I know it he's wrapped me in a hug, whispering apologies into my shoulder, then pulling back and straightening my shirt.

"You're gonna be okay, Maise. I promise you, I won't let anything happen to you, ever again. I'm so, so sorry... I'm so sorry," He stumbles over his words, the man in front of me contrasting greatly with the larger than life lawyer I looked up to as a child, loving when he would bring me along to defend his father and their land.

"I'll protect you too." I puff out my chest, muscles tensing. He looks me over and shakes his head.

"I don't deserve it,"