Patagonia

The Nature of Change

~Abby~

The icy winds that began to blow down from the mountain tops whispered of the coming of Winter. My foot took a month to heal, but with plenty of warm nights, passion-filled afternoons and evenings, it felt as if time flew by in the blink of an eye. 

To both Jasper’s and my dismay, the chill brought along with it a decline in fish. Fashioning a makeshift boat, Jasper began using it to fish out in the middle of the lake. Our nets began coming up empty and there were only so many rabbits or squirrels we could catch in our snares.  

When he went fishing in the lake, he would be gone for hours on end. I knew it was because he was pushing himself further to keep us alive. We had no idea how long we could truly keep doing this for and I was frightened…seriously frightened and nervous about when or even if we would ever be found. 

Being stuck by a lake surrounded by high-altitude jagged mountains was not exactly a common location for rescues to take place…

One day I asked to go with him. I missed him being around. His presence gave me comfort and lately…so much more. My feelings for him were entirely different than what I had ever felt for Luke. What I was experiencing with Jasper made me feel as if I was finally beginning to understand what it truly meant to give someone your entire heart, body and soul. 

“You want to check out the boat?” He asked me with a raised brow. I nodded and chased after him to the shore. He offered me a hand before pulling me close to him and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to my lips. Blushing, I let him help me into the boat before he climbed inside and pushed deeper into the water with his makeshift stick-oar. 

When we reached the middle of the lake, my eyes took in the beautiful shimmering water around me that reflected the blue skies and cumulus clouds overhead the mountaintops. 

Jasper’s gaze was on me when I turned to face him. He had a faint smile playing at the corner of his lips while the wind lifted his hair around his face. 

“Here, hold this while I find the net.” He said, handing me the fishing pole before moving onto his haunches and steadily pulling in a tethered rope from a protruding rock. 

Unfortunately for the fifth time that week, there was no fish. after two hours of nothing, I felt anxiety wash over me as I said quietly, 

“What are we going to do?...” 

Jasper looked at me as he began rowing back to shore somberly. 

“We are going to be fine. I’ll keep traveling inland to hunt down game.. if we can land a deer or anything like that, that gives us a few more days.” 

“And then what?” I said, searching his eyes for an answer. He sighed and stopped rowing for a moment. 

“We just keep trying. That's it, Abby. Don’t think of anything else, you can’t go down that path.” 

I laughed, the sound coming out slightly more hysterical than I realized. 

“It’s been almost half a year, Jasper. What if we die he–”

“I said stop!” Jasper practically shouted at me. My eyes rounded at the same time my mouth clamped shut in shock. Lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, he choked down a harsh breath before turning back to me and saying in a low voice, 

“You are not going to die out here. I will not let that happen. I don’t care how long it takes. I’m not letting anything happen to you. I’m going to get you back safe to your life, back to…Luke.” 

My heart dropped at the mention of his brother’s name. I felt completely horrible for betraying my fiancé but at the same time, what happened between Jasper and I was unprecedented. I never meant to fall in love with him. There was no way I could go back to the way my life once was. There was no way I could possibly marry Luke anymore. 

"Jasper, I'm not going back to Luke." I whispered. The sound of the lapping lake water nearly drowned out my voice, but I knew he heard me. He instantly sighed and frowned. 

"I knew this was a horrible mistake." He snapped, "Yes, you are, Abby. You love Luke. You want to marry him. That doesn't have to change." 

I simply stared at him with shock in my irises. 

"How can you even say that? Jasper, no. I am not! At least, not anymore…I don't know if I ever even was. I don't think I knew or understood what real love was until–" 

"Abby, that's enough. You don't love me. You don't want me, trust me. You're better off going back to your boyfriend." 

His words sliced through my heart. What had he thought this was? Just a bored affair to sooth my spirit while we were trapped out here? Did he think I was some kind of easy bait and just took what I offered because there was literally no one else around? 

When the boat reached the shore, I leapt out. 

"You're a fool." I hissed in pain before stomping up the shore. 

"Abby!" He called me. I ignored him with a flip of my hair. 

That evening, the winter wind blew straight through each nook and crevice of our shelter. Even though I was still upset, I nestled closer into Jasper's embrace as he held me tighter. 

Pressing soft kisses to my forehead, then cheeks, he rubbed my shoulder to keep me warm as he murmured, 

"I'm sorry, baby." 

My heart crumbled as I lifted my face to kiss him gently. He moaned softly and deepened the kiss before easing back and telling me in a husky voice shivering from the cold, 

"When I was in the military, I was drafted to this village in Syria. My partner and I entered a destroyed building only to find a kid and his family. My partner raised his gun to take the shot, but I stopped him. I believed they were innocent and I was d*mm sick and tired of killing civilians just for being in the line of fire. The kid ended up tossing a grenade at us. Blew my partner's legs to bits. We were trapped beneath the rubble for an entire day. When we managed to make it out, the troops had already left for the next marker. I had to drag my partner through the desert, knowing everything had been my fault. The family, the kid, they all died in the blast, and my partner would never walk again, paralyzed from the waist down all because of me. Baby, I'm a broken man. I have so many demons." 

His words left me inwardly breaking apart for what he had endured. Clasping his face closer to mine, I kissed his lips and told him, 

"Stop blaming yourself…you're a good man, Jasper. When I tell you that, I mean it. I wouldn't rather be stuck here with anyone else." 

"That's why I tell you to not think of me as anything else but warmth. I can't give you my heart when I don't even have much of one left to give. I know you love my brother…this is only circumstantial, Abby." 

"Jasper…I love Luke but I'm not in love with him...I only want you, baby." Tears fell down my face as I revealed this confession. 

He gazed at me before chuckling and murmuring in a teasing voice,

"You say that now."

His mouth covered mine, kissing me deeply, long into the night as we caressed and soothed each other's bodies and souls. 

In my mind, I had answered back,

I will say it for the rest of my life.