Vance hopper X !Male! reader

chapter 6

A/N: sorry for not updating I'm throwing up alot for some reason. Anyways here's the story sorry if it's short today. Also here's some internalized homophobia from vance cuz it's the 70s

Vance's POV still:

But. I can't like him like that. I'm a guy, and hes a guy. Maybe were just food friends. Nothing more. We can never be nothing more. Hes just my best friend. I could feel a panic begin to rise, ever since I've met him ive felt weaker. I've been angrier easier and scared. I dont know why it scares me do much, why he scares me. I get so nervous it's so fuckinh disgusting. Maybe I hate him. Maybe I'm thinking of this all wrong. I mean he does make me want to throw up. And he makes me sweat and super nervous. So maybe I hate him. But how could I hes so pretty. Hes so perfect theirs nothing wrong with him. I hate it, i hate this, i hate everything. Why cant I be normal. Why do I have to feel this way for someone like him. Someone who's so weird, who's so off. I cant stop myself from just wanting to hold him and keep touching. When we hold hands it's like a spark lights up in. A spark I didnt know I could feel. It's as though I've been frozen for years and finally, after so long I feel the warmth. I didnt even notice just how much I needed him. I feel so disgusting thinking about it. I want to actually stay with him. I dont want him to leave, or wake up. I just want him to stay with me. But if he knows, he'll leave. They all do, everyone does and he will too. I just have to keep him away.

No matter what it takes. No matter how much it hurts we cant keep being so close. I cant keep feeling this way. It's to much and I feel like a moth to a flame. The more I get the more I want. Theirs so many ways to describe how I feel. His hair is so beautiful and it wraps around his face so majestically. He looks magical when he sleeps. And whenever he blinks his eyelashes are like butterfly's in spring. Everything from the tip of his head to the end of his feet is perfect. He looks like a prince straight from a movie. Hes what I picture to be a princess one true love. When hes awake I could stare into his eyes forever. Like a deep blue sea that I wish to dive further into. Even the small blemishes on his skin seemed so unnoticeable. If I was never told what god was supposedly supposed to look like, that would be Y/N. Or maybe some sort of angel I'd believe it if I was told. If I was asked to pray to Y/N every night I'd do it with no question. I adore him I do but I feel its disgusting. I hate how Shakespearean this feels to say. When in the end it's all the same. I'm in love. I'm in love with a man, a beautiful man. And his name is Y/N L/N.

Normal POV:

Y/N woke up suddenly as the car came to a stop. They were outside of Vances house. It looked ran down and abandoned. "Vance if you want you can stay at my house again" but before you could even get an answer he got out. He slammed the door in your face like you didnt exist. And it hurt so badly. His mood changed so suddenly you were so confused. You sat up and looked down at the floor. It was littered with candy wrappers. "Hes probably just in a mood" Finney says. "Yeah, probably" you say quietly. "Dude it's okay by tomorrow itll be over and hell be all vance like again" you nod but you're worried. Something so small can make you so worried. Because what if it isnt okay and something changed. What if he found out, or even worse. What if he feels it too. If he feels that warm spark that you feel. That horribly amazing feeling of nervousness when the both of you are close. Or those terrifying butterflies in your stomach that attack when hes around. To be truthful it was terrifying to know you're falling in love. Especially when it's with someone whose so much like you. And to love someone like that in the way you do is so frowned up. Youd be seen as a freak if anyone found out. Your mind raced to all the horrible places it could go in such a short amount of time. A hand was waving infront of your face. You come back to reality and hear robin repeating your name. Finney had already went home you thought to yourself.

But you were outside your house now. The lights inside were on and you got out "thanks!" You put on a smile and opened the door. Food was being put on the table. Your mind was thinking about how your family could react to it. Would you get kicked out, beaten maybe worse. You didnt want anything to happen, as of now everything was perfect. You sat down to eat but you didnt feel hungry. All you felt was empty and angry. Angry at everyone and angry at yourself. Angry at your mom for moving here. And angry at here for even having you. Maybe if you werent here Vance would be happier. Hed be safer than he is with you. You were angry at yourself for even liking him in such a way. You were so angry and disgusted with yourself for this. But you couldnt get over that deep feeling of love. That need to be around him and that need for him. You hope one day you two could be together happily and safely. Not just as friends but instead as lovers. As a piece of a puzzle that belongs together