"Playing in the studio right now is Habits by Genevieve Stokes. CN News will be right back after this break." A quiet music hung in the air as I crochet the sweater I was making for him. Every year I do this, thinking he'll still come back.
Malaking buntong hininga na tumayo ako sa kakaupo. Konti nalang matatapos na ito. And for the 23rd time I've made him a sweater, it was also the 23rd time I've tried visiting our home town. Nagbabasakaling uuwi siya.
But I know better.
That guy never kept his promises.
Seven years have already passed and for seven years I've waited for him. Nakakapagod na, pero mahal ko e'. Gugustuhin ko mang bumitaw, hindi ko kaya.
"Kailan kaya ako makakamove-on sa kaniya, Shawty," bulong ko sa hangin habang hinahaplos ang balahibo ng pusang niregalo niya sakin. Magwa-walong taon na ito sa susunod na buwan.
"Ineng..." tawag sakin ni Manang Flora.
"Po?"
"Nagtatanong yung tiyahin mo kung kailan ka daw babalik ng Cebu para naman daw alam niya kung kailan siya mag-uumpisang magluto ng kakanin na pwede mong dalhin pauwi mo sa Cebu," smiled Manang Flora. Bakas sa boses niyang nalulungkot din siya dahil sa situwasyon ko ngayon. Naghihintay sa taong hindi na babalik.
"Pakisabi nalang na sa makalawa na ako babyahe pauwi. Salamat pala, Manang," ngiti ko sa kaniya.
"Naku, wag na 'neng. Mag-iingat ka nga pala sa byahe mo. Alagaan mo sarili mo pagbalik mo doon, ha? Wala pa naman kami doon para magluto para sayo."
I don't know why I try anymore...
"Babes, why the gloomy atmosphere? This is so not slay," biglang tili ni Clara. I chuckled to hide the sad atmosphere that she felt from me.
I took another shot and chewed on the lemon I was holding before facing her. Inakbayan ko sya at nilayo sa counter. Ngumuso naman siya dahil alam niyang may bumabagabag na naman saking hindi ko kinukuwento sa kaniya. She can't blame me, the last time I trusted someone with my thoughts used it against me. Alam niyang kahit siyam na taon na ang nakalipas, malaki pa rin ang epekto nito sa akin.
In the ripe age of 31, I am still single, but no longer waiting for someone. Dalawang taon na ang nakalipas noong huli kong bisita sa Albuera at dalawang taon na rin nakalipas ng tigilan ko ang pag-crochet at gawa ng mga hobbies na ginagawa namin noon. Pinamigay ko na nga ang mga nagawa kong regalong tinago sa maliit na attic ng studio ko.
"I got rejected today by my date," I shrugged, showing her it didn't really affect me but at the same time I was down because of it, which I am. Nanghihinayang talaga ako dahil mabuting tao nga naman si Jansen. Sadyang di lang kami nag-click.
I held both Clara's hands and brought her to the dancefloor, malapit kung nasan ang iba naming mga kaibigan. Naghiyawan naman sila ng makita kami papalapit ni Clara. Bihira lang din naman kasi akong sumasayaw o pumupunta sa dancefloor. Kadalasan ay nasa counter di kaya sa nirentang couch ng mga kasamahan ko.
The song suddenly changed to something reggae and I recognised it the second the lyrics were uttered.
I raised one arm up and grind my hips to the beat of Gasolina. Raking one hand on my hair as I sway to the remix, I moved my hips counterclockwise and swayed my hips down to get the groove on. I felt sweat dripping down to the tube top and skirt I am wearing but I didn't mind it and raised an arm up to continue dancing. Losing myself, hindi ko na naririnig ang mga hiyawan ng mga kaibigan ko. Lalong lalo na ang cheer ni Clara.
Mas mabuti na ito kaysa sa mawala sa pag-iisip. Nakakasakit ng utak.
Akala mo din naman may utak ako. Pero masakit parin.
When I felt like my body needed to rest, I stepped out of the center and went back to the counter. This time I didn't order another shot but a margarita. Bahala na ang hungover bukas. Bukas pa naman 'yon.
Sipping on my drink, I let myself look around the loud and rowdy place I am in. Smiling a bit, its nice get out of my own thoughts for a moment. Kung trabaho nga lang siguro sana ang pag-ooverthink at daydream baka pwede pakong umapply at maging milyonaryo nito. Lakas kong makaisip halos mas marami pakong oras nito kesa sa pagtulog nga ata e'.
Placing my glass down on the counter, I was gonna head back to the center, when my eyes landed on a familiar raven black hair.
I stared at the guy occupying my head 80 percent of the time. Living in my head rent-free. Pagsiningil ko ang renta ng mokong na 'to sa utak ko, yayaman na ba ako?
Parang di ako napansin kaya malaya pa akong nakatitig sa kaniya. He still haven't changed. Still the same raven black hair, kaso ngayon mahaba na at nakapusod ito pataas. He was now wearing the black pearl earring I gave him before, which was a pair of mine. He actually pierced his ear. Wearing a black oversized sando with silver chains on his neck, he was downing a glass of whiskey. His fingers were now long, the back of his hand is veiny and silver chain bracelets were on his wrist.
Placing the glass down, he was going to stand up when he suddenly turned to me. My shocked expression mirrored his and we both stared each other down.
And even in the midst of a rowdy and loud place, there's nothing louder than the silence between past lovers.
Ako ang naunang bumitaw ng tingin. It was all in the past. Bahala na sya sa buhay niya.
I slowly walked away and back to the crowd now dancing to a new remix.
I turned to look where he was and just like before, he was now gone.
I just turned for a bit and then he was gone. Just like what happened nine years ago.
Shrugging it off dahil baka epekto lang rin ng alcohol and I'm actually just dreaming, bumalik ako sa pagsasayaw.
Ang wild ko ngayon akala mo hindi virgin.
