Topic: Dan committed suicide and Phil "Peter pan" guides him to heaven "neverland"
Warning: suicide, mentions of depression, anxiety, and self harm
Based off the song Lost Boy by Ruth B
> • <
Dan sat on the bathroom floor.
"You can do this, no one will miss you. Phil's gone. You have no friends. Your parents hate you. Just a few more pills."
Dan dumped the remaining pills into his hand and sighed.
There was a time
When I was alone
No where to go
And no place to call home
He swallowed all of them at once. He screwed the lid back on the bottle and gently placed it on the countertop. Wobbling out of the bathroom, Dan walked down the hall into Phil's bedroom. He sat on the bed and looked out the window into the night sky, the full moon illuminating the small room.
My only friend was
The man in the moon
Dan and Phil used to watch the stars together, it was Phil's favorite thing to do. Dan didn't really like the stars, he liked watching how Phil's eyes lit up when he pointed out another constellation. Phil has been gone for two years. After six months his body gave away to the cancer in his bones.
And even sometimes
He would go away too
Dan watched clouds roll in front of the moon, causing the only light in the room to dim. Dan held on for two years, kept telling himself it's what Phil would want. He tried to keep up with YouTube but his videos turned to crap. He deleted all of his social medias. Unfriend Peej and Louise, everyone. Turned to depression and anorexia, he was the skinniest he's ever been. Dan's hips and ribs stuck out of his body, he hasn't eaten in four days, but who needs to eat when you'll be dead in a few minutes. Dan felt sluggish, the pills catching up to him.
Then one night,
As I close my eyes
He closed his eyes, waiting for death like an old friend. He thought of Phil, every memory he has of him. I guess it's appropriate Dan thought of Phil in his lasts breathes, after all your life flashes before your eyes when you die. Dan's body started to shut down. First his minor organs, then the major ones. He took his last breath with the memory of Phil lingering.
I saw a shadow
Flying high
He came to me
With the sweetest smile
Dan sat on the edge of Phil's bed, staring down at his body curled in Phil's blanket, barely breathing. Does this mean he's in a coma?
"Dan? Can you hear me?" Phil asked. Dan's eyes widened. Could it be? He turned around slowly, turning to look at Phil's smiling face. It wasn't a good smile though, it wasnt even sad, it was heartbroken.
Told me he wanted
To talk for a while
He said, Peter Pan
That's what they call me
Dan got up and moved towards Phil, but he stepped back. Dan was hurt. Phil started to tear up, he choked on a sob.
"You promised Dan. You promised to stay strong."
Dan stepped forward again, Phil stepped back.
"I tried. I tried as hard as I could. But I'm not strong Phil..." Dan whispered "I'm not like you"
"But-but you promised me" Phil was full on sobbing now.
"Oh Phil please don't cry."
I promise that you'll
Never be lonely
And ever since that day...
"I was with you Dan every step of the way, I've never left your side. I held you when you cried, I screamed when you cut, I laughed with you when you watched anime, I even cuddled you every night. Dan, I never left." Phil choked out, still sobbing. Dan made a move towards Phil, this time Phil didn't move. Dan took the opportunity and pulled Phil into a bone crushing hug.
"I know Phil. Oh I'm so sorry. Please Phil, I couldn't deal with it. I love you so so much, I couldn't deal with you gone."
I am lost boy
From neverland
Usually hanging out with
Peter Pan
"I love you too Dan" Phil whispered hoarsely. Dan stepped back and looked into Phil's blue eyes. God how he missed these eyes. Phil grabbed his hand and turned towards the window.
"When a person dies, their most recent passed loved one guides them to heaven." Phil explained quietly. Dan nodded.
"Where are we going? Second star to the right and straight on till morning?" Dan joked trying to lighten the mood but Phil just gave him a sad look.
"Dan, please" Phil whispered looking at the ground. He sounded so broken Dan's heart shattered right there. How could he have done this to Phil?
And when we're bored
We play in the woods
Always on the run from
Captain Hook
"Let's just go" Phil said barely audible. Dan just nodded, still sad he hurt Phil. Phil turned towards Dan and cupped his face with his hands. He leant down and gently placed his lips to Dan's. Oh how Dan missed this, two years without kissing the love of his life was too much. It wasn't rushed, it wasn't passionate, it was reminiscent. Dan and Phil both remembering how it felt to be loved. Dan closed his eyes and savored every single second.
Run run, lost boy
They say to me
Away from all of
Reality
When Dan felt Phil slowly move away, he opened his eyes and he saw white. Everything was white.
"Phil?" Dan asked, a little worried.
"I'm here Dan don't worry." Phil replied.
"We're in heaven Dan." Phil whispered. It seemed Phil didn't talk in his normal voice anymore, Dan missed his voice.
"It's just whit-"
"Let it adjust, every person gets their individual heaven. In some cases, like ours, two lovers share a heaven." Phil interrupted. Dan leant on Phil, putting his face in the crook of Phil's neck. He breathed in his scent, remembering the old Phil. Dan looked up at Phil with glassy eyes.
Never land is home
To lost boys like me
And lost boys like me
Are free
"I'm so sorry Phil. I tried as hard as I could to hold on. Kept telling myself it's what you wanted. Kept saying I promised you. But I-" Dan collapsed to the ground fully sobbing. "I love you so much I couldn't take it." Phil sat on the floor with Dan, stroking his hair.
"Shhh it's okay. I love you too Dan. Never stopped, never will." he tilted Dan's head up.
"Look around love, this is our heaven." Dan rubbed his eyes but didn't open them. He was afraid. Afraid of what he didn't know.
"Dan, it's okay... I promise" Phil grabbed both of dans hands and stood him up, he placed a gentle kiss on each eyelid. Dan opened his eyes and smiled at Phil. He look behind Phil and saw their lounge. The sofa, the fire place Phil loved so much, even the bookshelf with more toys than books. This is perfect, him and Phil get to live in their London apartment for eternity. Never growing old, but always together.
Never land is home
To lost boys like me
And lost boys like me
Are free
