This do I swear

I will be there

Tension was rising. Xie Lian thinks he'd have been able to feel it if he wasn't so out of his head. Maybe he could have defused it. Banished it away and then none of this would have happened.

It's easy to say what if after the battle was lost. So Xie Lian doesn't think to much on it. But still... If he wasn't frantically trying to pull a plan together maybe then things would be different.

His father was sick.
Mu Qing's mother was sick.
Feng Xin was sneaking out at night.

Maybe most concerning. White no face was hanging around him.

What did this mean? Why was bad luck following him around so much. He was always so lucky. He never lost things. He never failed. He never felt upset or got angry for no reason. He...

Well I suppose he's never been banished and haunted by a ghost calamity.

Then it happens Xie Lian falls deeper and Mu Qing leaves to nurse his mother. Xie Lian accepts that. He doesn't get angry. Not immediately. He'd never stop his friend from standing beside his family over a friend. It was okay. Mu Qing was strong. He'd be back.

Mu Qing didn't come back. Not for a long time and when Xie Lian next saw him it was with a sword pointed at his neck. Xie Lian's heart broke on spot and he's sure it was clear in his eyes from how Mu Qing reacted.

Xie Lian left him that time. Xie Lian went back to Feng Xin and broke down falling ever so deeper.

Feng Xin was fuming and demanded he stomped up there and demand a fight. Xie Lian griped at the taller's legs weakly. "You can't!" He cries. "They were gods, lower court but still gods. I don't- I don't want you to get a bad reputation. Then one day you can do what I couldn't."

Feng Xin snarls at the thought. "I'd never leave you to be a god." He said. "I would never rub that in your face and mask it by calling it salvation."

He gets down in one knee and looks to his god. "This do I swear your highness. I will never harm you. I will never dream of anything but your well-being. Everything I do I do it for you. I will be there."

Xie Lian sniffs weakly. "You should." He says quietly. "You should try becoming a god. I'll follow you. I'm not as strong as I once was but I can still fight-"

"Your highness." Feng Xin laughs cupping a tear stained cheek. "I would never dream of swapping rolls with you." Xie Lian's eyes dart around his face trying to find a hit of a lie. "You won't stay. You can't." He whispers.

"I can and I will."

Xie Lian smiles softly. "If I run away?"

"I'll find you."

"And if you can't?" He asks leaning into the touch. "I will never stop my search until you are back within my sight. You are my light your highness. I'm merely a lone moon orbiting your sun. I do not compare."

Xie Lian shakes his head grabbing the hand. "I'm not a prince Feng Xin. Princes have kingdom's and people. I have nothing."

"You'll always be my prince. You don't need a kingdom or people for that because you have me. That is all you need."

Xie Lian smiles. "I suppose you're right."

A week later after Xie Lian had Feng Xin pawn off his collection of swords and gold belts he slumps against the wall of the old cottage. He was running out of sellable items. They were low on food. And medicine is expensive.

Then a knock at the door pulls him from his half starved mind. And who stands outside? Mu Qing holding a bag or rice and a sheepish smile. Xie Lian scowls but holds his tongue. Feng Xin didn't quite manage that.

One thing lead to another and the rice ended up on the floor. Mu Qing was chased away and Xie Lian dropped to the floor to salvage what grain he could.

"Your highness..." Feng Xin says cautiously. "At least I didn't have a sword to my neck." He mumbles cupping rice and stashing it back. "You know..." the taller says kneeling down next to the prince. "Sometimes it's less painful to forget then try to accept and process your hurt."

Xie Lian looks over. "What are you suggesting?" Feng Xin shuffles. "Your highness, your eyes hold unimaginable hurt. Don't let it follow you. Just block it. Take it away and voluntarily forget about it all."

Xie Lian looks blankly. "Forget it all?" He repeats. "Forget what hurts me? Forget... forget Mu Qing?"

Feng Xin nods. "Yes. Then it won't hurt ever again."

Xie Lian gifts Feng Xin his last gold belt. "This is for you." He says handing it over. "Your highness- this-"

Xie Lian shakes his head. "Not like that... like... like a gift. So I don't have to see it and remember what I've lost. I'd rather you have it. You can pawn it if you wish. But keep the money for yourself. No sharing."

Feng Xin stares at him. "To forget?"
Xie Lian nods. "Please grant me this." The guard nods looking down at the belt. "Alright. I'll do anything for you your highness."

Xie Lian huffs. "No you won't." He says. Feng Xin looks up sharply. "I will!" He argues. "You won't." Xie Lian counters plainly. "I will! Test me! I will always do what you ask."

Xie Lian sighs. His plan is working. "He pulls out fang Xin and hands it over. Kill me." He says. "Plunge that sword through my chest and kill me."

Feng Xin backs away. "Your highness but I can't-"

Xie Lian shakes his head stepping forward. "I'm unable to die I know. So you should just do it. It won't actually kill me. So why do you hesitate? Can you not do it? Didn't you say you'd do anything? That I should test you?"

Feng xin falls to his knees. "I'm sorry!" He yells slamming his head on the ground. Xie lian sighs crouching down. "Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself. Sorry that was cruel of me." He mumbles pulling the other up.

"I'll try again." Feng Xin says. "Ask me something else and I'll do it. Just don't make me hurt you." Xie Lian laughs weakly nodding. "Alright, then I ask you leave me."

Feng Xin freezes. "Leave you?"

"Leave me." Xie Lian nods.

"What?"

Xie Lian frowns. "Will you not do it? Even if I say it's for your own good?" Feng Xin's eyes are wide. "Why would it be? I'm a warrior... I kill people why on earth should I be afraid?"

Xie Lian's face softens into pure adoration. "Feng Xin, my knight. My trusted friend. We've known each other decades. You know I'd never lie to you but the threat that follows me is too dangerous. You must not engage. And I can't guarantee your safety if you stay."

He looks up Amber eyes shining. "Please, I can't let you die because of me. I already have a hundred times. It's not pleasant and you can't come back."

Feng Xin leaves the next day all be it reluctantly.

His parents aren't long to follow, however they are much more willing. And it leaves Xie Lian lost and alone.

At least no one close to him means white no face can't take his closest things away from him. He can't use it against him and he can't black mail him with it.

It's better this way. Both Mu Qing and Feng Xin have killed. They can't get the disease. They'll be safe. They'll become gods and it will be a good life.

But that doesn't mean it's not painful so Xie Lian forgets it all. And drifts into a peaceful dissociative state. He becomes a wanderer.