Polar Opposites - Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 9 - shes back.

TW - sh

word count: 1.7k
Olivia PoV:
*5 months later*
Fury hasn't been able to track Natasha so there's a meeting today to tell everyone if she's being presumed dead or not. He hasn't stopped looking though. I know that Natasha is important to him to, I mean she's part of his little lesbian group chat so she's very important to him.

I still haven't been able to talk but I've gotten into therapy and the lady's name is Helen. She seems nice and she has cards on her desk that I write on and that's how we communicate. Tony has them in his lab as well for if I ever want to talk to him.

I've developed a really bad habit of cutting myself but I haven't told anyone about it, I don't really have anyone that I trust enough to tell. It's just it feels like there's this huge hole inside of me and no matter what I do the hole never disappears. The cutting doesn't necessarily help but it makes me feel something.

I'm sitting in our room at the moment and JARVIS speaks "Director Fury has just arrived." I get up and go downstairs and go into the meeting room.

I sit on the chair at the back closest to the door. "Everyone involved in the disappearance of Natasha Romanoff has come to the conclusion that she should be presumed dead. This does not mean we will stop looking but it means don't get your hopes up." He explained and I got up and stormed out slamming the door behind me.

I went up to our room and locked the door. I stepped over all the clothes that were littered on the floor and went into the bathroom. I pulled my shorts down and looked at the cuts on my hip/thigh. I got my blade out from where I hid it and dragged it along the skin on my hip/thigh 8 times. Blood trickled down my leg and I held tissue against the cuts until the bleeding stopped. I pulled my shorts back on and left the bathroom.

I climbed into our bed and went on my phone. I looked at all the photos of us together and cried that I might never see her again. I thought about how I should of woken up sooner, or when they were taking her. Maybe she would still be here if I did.

a year later

A couple weeks ago I begged Tony to stop the therapy and he did because I hated it after Helen got changed to a man called David.

Peter has distanced himself from me after I attacked him after he said "Just move on." Clint had to pull me off him.

The cutting has gotten worse, it's now a nightly thing. I still haven't told anyone, I don't know if I want to.

another year later

Still no news on Natasha's where about sand I'm beginning to lose hope. I just want her back. I miss her smell and the way we made each other feel.

Me and Peter are chill now. He admitted it was insensitive for him to say and then we went to go get ice cream.

I'm still not talking. I'm not choosing not to I genuinely feel unable to. I feel like a child and
hate it.

A month later

I was out on a run when I saw my abusive ex. I panicked. I turned around and walked away but he followed me. He caught up to me and pushed me down a dark alley. He pushed me up against the grimy wall and groped me.

I pushed him off of me but it was to late, the damage was done. I ran as fast as I could back to the compound and immediately got in the shower and scrubbed my body to try and feel clean but I didn't. I still felt dirty and powerless. I grabbed my blade and dragged it against my hip/thigh 13 times. As I was stopping the bleeding someone knocked on the door. "It's Clint they have news on Natasha." He said and I chucked the bloody tissues in the bin not caring if the bleeding hadn't stoped.