𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫
"You don't know what you're falling for," he breathes, while soft kisses are placed on my shoulder.
"I don't care. I just want y...
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Mr. Amari immediately sits up straight.
"Actually I'm the quite opposite of fine. I couldn't even properly keep my eyes closed tonight after the nightmare." I quickly look at him before looking away again.
"Since I was young, whenever something would change or happen that I feared, I would get nightmares. Almost every day. It somehow triggers me and the next thing I know is, that I have panic attacks, that I can't sleep, but if I can sleep, then I wake up because of a nightmare."
I look up to stop my eyes from stinging.
"The first one was when my mom and dad had a huge fight. The second was when Lucas got into the massive fight with my dad because he wanted to study medicine. The third was when I had my first allergic reaction and the fourth when Nick, my ex-boyfriend, started to abuse me."
I have to pause and swallow the tears back down that thread to spill.
"I think, when I saw him, it triggered my mind again." My arms wrap themselves around my legs and pull them closer to my front.
"I can't make them stop, I-I can't control that and I never will be able to do that. They just slowly fade away. One even triggered me so much that I had nightmares for over a year. If you're now going to ask, why don't you go to therapy, I already have," I choke out. A tear runs down my face.
"My mind is just so fucked up that it doesn't want any help. I even went to a hospital that was specifically only for psychology and they said that, if therapy doesn't help, they won't do anything with my head. They wouldn't want to mess around with it."
Tears are now streaming down my face. I bite my lip to stop it from trembling.
"So, now I have to live with it and I can't do anything if there's a trigger. Nothing. I'm helpless. It's like I'm in a forest all alone and there's a lake, and I would step in and get pulled down to the ground, water everywhere. All I can do, is let it happen," I hiccup.
My head buries itself in my hands and I breathe out shaky breaths.
I almost flinch when I feel an arm wrap itself around my body. Mr. Amari pulls me towards him and he lays down with me on the couch, my head on his chest as I sob into his button-up.
"Shh, shh. It's all going to be okay. I'm here. I'm here for you," he says, his hand strokes my hair and the other one is resting on my waist. I'm very grateful right now that he let's me cry in his arms.
Even though I am right now ugly crying, which I don't like.
After a while, my tears stop and I can breath normally again. I look up to find Mr. Amari already staring at me. His thumb goes over my dried-tears-covered face. The corners of my mouth twitch up a bit at the gesture.
"Wow, how can you still look beautiful when your entire face is covered in dried tears?" he mumbles. I laugh as I glance into his eyes. "No," I shake my head.
