The Secret I Kept: Hamilton X Reader

Part One

Second Person, You POV

You sat on the edge of your bed, forearms resting on knees, and head hanging down in shame. It was eating you from the inside out. Whether it be from the guilt of lying to your friends, the person you love; or simply the fact that you pretend to be an entirely different person, the consequences of your actions were catching up quickly. The 1700's was cruel to women, and newly disowned, the army seemed like the perfect place to erase the past and safeguard the future. What you didn't realize would happen is you falling in love. Alexander was his name. He was smarter than a scholar, and had unmatched energy and determination. He was the most beautiful person you've ever met. Which is where the problems started. Alexander was friends with military you. The man who appeared weak but was a fast runner. A perfect shot, charming spirit and love for hunting. The other you was a well mannered woman from a middle class family with a passion for literature and the arts, something which your family hate. But the true you was neither of those. Just you. You hoped that Alex would love all of you, whether it be militia man, literate woman or simply a person just trying to enjoy life and the little things. But it was the gender that could cause a riff. Although you never thought to ask, you didn't know Alexander's preferred gender, and pretending to be a man when you really weren't destroyed you. And even though you pretended to it wasn't there, you and every one of your friends saw how Alexander looked at you, and vice versa. It was never spoken, but the love was their, and you were quite aware of it as well. And it made you feel like shit. And it would destroy him too, if he knew. You knew the truth would be seen as a betrayal to him. Alexander loved a man. And you were not one.
"I thought I'd find you in here," a voice rang behind you, startling the peace. Hercules was truly the best person you could ask for, after a careless incident, he discovered your truth. He knew everything, who you are and your dilemma with Alexander. And while he never pushed, your constant lies was something he would remind you that the longer it stays in, the worse it'll get. "He's acting like a lost puppy without you giving him attention."
"I think I'll tell Alexander after the war. Right now," you paused. Thinking of it was hard, yet talking of it was harder. "Right now just isn't right." Hercules gave you a look that chipped even further at your consciousness...

Third Person, Alexanders POV

Alexander felt disgusted with himself. He was a dirty, disgusting, no good son of a whore, and it was his fault. His smile, that pushed his cheeks back in just the right way, teeth slightly showing and lips that were so perfect, even when they were chapped. His eyes, which were deep with swirling colours, that never seemed to be focused on anything that trapped Alexander deeply. His body, personality, hair, attitude, everything made Alexander light up in a million ways, and it disgusted him. It was wrong. It was immoral, unholy, wrong, stupid and absolutely fucking disgusting. He tried to distance himself at first, but he couldn't stand that look on his face when Alexander gave a half-asses reply or a look of avoidance. It hurt Alexander too much. So he made the mistake of getting too close. Everything he did, Alexander did, if he wasn't busy with work for General Washington. Every meal, training session, down time and even a tent, them two of them shared. Last winter was so cold, Alexander had to snuggle with him to keep the pair warm. It almost made the wretched winds and bitter cold worth it. Another time at the bar the pair got so piss drunk, they ended up in a back ally. He always claimed that he blacked out, but Alexander remembered the taste of his lips, the feeling of his tongue, his arms so muscular and scarred and his gorgeous hair. After that, Alexander had begun the compliment phase, where Alex praised everything he did. Every perfect shot, every letter, everything he did was perfect. And every time, the other male would shrug it off or reciprocate the compliment in an extremely watered down way that made Alexander feel like shit. It wasn't that the other didn't like Alexander, the exact opposite really. But his fear of Alexander knowing the truth caused him to become distant. And it only made the two hate themselves more than they already did. Alexander tried so hard to like other woman. And he did like women. He's had girlfriends before, and courted whore on drunk occasions. But he never liked someone how liked him. Nothing would ever compare to him. And it was disgusting.