Black Butler One shots (request closed)

Planning a funeral (Undertaker x reader)

How did this happen? At first, I was working as a nurse maid, the next as an assistant of a mortician. And all because of a stupid bet.

I had to make the arrangements with the Undertaker, since it was my last job to do. The boy I took care of was the only child of the family, he died just recently. After this I must find some new employment.

As I met the Undertaker for the first time, he seemed a little... happy to receive a customer. (That's what he calls it) That's when I also made an acquaintance with his weird way of ...payment. As I didn't fulfill his wishes, he told me to come back another time.

...that's what he said, every single time...

Until one week has passed.

Ridiculous... I FINALLY made him laugh, even if it was just for a short time, he agreed to prepare everything for the funeral. And here I thought, making him laugh was hard. Discussing the plans of the funeral was even harder.

3 Days later

How long does one need to get someone under the ground? As we spoke about the plans, he just disappears through his backdoor while we were in a middle of a conversation. Only to come back with tea and cookies. I can't remember how much tea I received in one day. I lost count at ten. Or he just changed the subject or made jokes at the most inappropriate times.

You think that's it?

It gets worse.

4 Days later

I don't know anything about his job, but come one, how much does he have to do? And why do I have to come along, every single time? He said it is necessary for me to join him. From the tailor (for the boy clothes) to the flower shop (picking the right flowers), to his shop (if it's the right coffin), to the church (talking to the vicar), to the cemetery (for the right gravestone) and even to that bloody hole he gets put into (if it was big enough).

What I didn't get was, not only didn't I say a thing on our visits ...he had all the information on one bleeding paper! (The one we discussed for 3 days)

If it wasn't for the boy, I would have strangled the mortician by now.

2 Days later

Finally, it's over. The funeral is today, my last day as a nursery maid. I would receive my last payment at the end of the funeral. The boy's parent wanted me to go over to the Undertaker and see if everything is ready for the ceremony.

Anything but that!

At the Undertaker

To my surprise, everything was ready. The only thing to do is to leave now, but he was still sitting behind his table (or coffin) resting his head on it.

"I think I am going to cancel the funeral for today"

He is not serious... is he?

"What?"

"Unless... "

"Unless...what?"

"You get the right answer to my question"

"Are you serious?"

He nodded... I couldn't believe it... is he's bluffing?!

"You're not going to cancel if I lose, right?"

"I will, plus, you also have to become my assistant"

He was freaking serious about this. There wasn't much time left, I had no choice and agreed to it.

"What's the question?"

"There are two people in Britain, one is dead and the other makes a trip to the center of Australia. Where do they both go to? "

"...", I didn't know, and time was running out. Stress took over and I slammed my hands onto his desk while glaring at him.

"Listen here Undertaker, it took me 2 bloody weeks to plan this, and I will not have you ruin it for that family, you got that?!"

His reply came with a smile, "So ...I guess you give up?"

I gritted my teeth, "yes"

In an instant he jumped up while laughing like a madman with his hands up in the air, „Welcome to my humble shop, dearest...and as for the funeral... It's not canceled". So, he was bluffing after all but this was a small relief.

At the end of the funeral

Undertaker was waiting for me outside. I couldn't believe that I had to work with him from now on. I wished my last employer all the best for the future, considering that they had no heir anymore to take over their business. But that is not my problem, mine was much worse...it was smiling at me.

"~Hehehe~ I'm sure you make a wonderful assistant"

I sighted deeply "How would you know? I never been an assistant of a mortician before"

"~Oh, yes you have~ otherwise why did I drag you around for the last 4 days?"

I stopped. No, it can't be.

"You were planning this all along, were you?"

"~hehehe~...yes"

"And the cancellation of the funeral?"

"Just to see how you handle stress"

I was speechless, while his smile grew. Rocking back and forth his reaction reminded me of a little girl acting all cute and innocent. Undertaker was far from that description! While I followed him back to the shop, he stopped moving, "By the way, the answer to the joke was ...Down Under".

"You will be down under if you don't stop getting on my nerves!"

He pretended to act all surprised, but it was clear that it was just to mock me,"Uhhh, touchy~"