Handwritten

Act Like You Love Me

So you leave tomorrow
Just sleep the night
I promise I'll make things right
I'll make you breakfast the way you like
Before you leave tomorrow
Just let me try

I looked at the calendar hanging just slightly over my desk and then at the sleeping girl lying in my bed. I walked to the restroom stood there staring emotionlessly into the mirror. 'Maybe i can make things right and she won't go.' My vision starts to fog over as a few tears spill out of my eyes. Still looking emotionless at myself, I think of all the years we had spent together and how it's just going to waste. Three years of the two of us just gone. Like it was nothing to her. All those times I made her favorite breakfast and got her coffee in the morning before she even woke up. The thoughts imprinted into my mind. I looked down at the table, laid out was pancakes with whipped cream and sliced strawberries on top with a caramel iced coffee waiting her her when she woke up. Today is the day she actually leaves me and maybe if she just gave me the chance I could try and change things. Change them for the better. I could have her back...

Before you leave tomorrow
Before you say goodbye
Before you leave tomorrow
Before you leave

I finally walked out of the restroom and into my bedroom again. She's still peacefully sleeping and I just walk into her room to see all of her things packed and ready. On her wall she had a envelope taped that had my name written in the most beautiful way i've seen. I hesitantly walked over to it and grabbed it carefully. As I flipped it over to open the letter that was addressed to me the words 'DO NOT OPEN UNTIL I'M GONE' hit me. I thought for a moment knowing I should wait but I needed to know what I did wrong. So I opened it.
Dear Love,
I just need to say goodbye. I'll see you when I see you. There isn't much more to say about it. Our time has come and gone.

Stay here and lay here right in my arms
It's only a moment before you're gone
And I am keeping you warm
Just act like you love me
So I can go on

As I stood there reading her letter my mind flashed to last night. I was laying down with her as she wrapped her arms around me. With the hand that was free I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around her. I kissed her head knowing that tomorrow she'll be gone. I wrapped my arms around her eventually and I just stared aimlessly at the ceiling. I just wish that she wasn't acting. Even if she was I just wanna be loved by her. Just so she can act like she loves me so I can move on. I just wish she didn't lie when she said that she loved me. I've seen the letters that she has written. Almost all of them saying her feelings were fading.

Just one more night
Laying in bed
Whether it's wrong or right
Just gotta make sense of it

That night I didn't sleep, not even a second. I just laid awake thinking. This is my last night holding her, holding the love of my life, even if she didn't really love me back. This felt so right to me but I know it was wrong. She didn't really love me anymore. She was just faking this whole time. This whole time she has been saying those three empty words, she didn't mean it not ONCE. I was so confused. I just wanted this to make sense and no matter how hard I tried it was a jumbled mess. Nothing made sense anymore. I was losing myself over this. Over her. Over everything. I didn't even remember who I was, who I am, who I want to be. What am I now? Just emptiness? Darkness? Death? Fear? Sadness? What is this feeling? I don't even know anymore. All because of a broken heart.

And you'll be gone in the morning
And you'll be over this
Just one more night
So I can forget

The clock flashed 5:00 am in bright red. I knew that once her alarm went off she would be gone. She scooted closer to me as I wrapped my arms around her tighter, taking in deep breaths. As soon as that plane left she would be with them, the other person. She would've moved on. She has already moved on that's why she said we were done. Yet, that's why she's sleeping in my arms and not theirs. I know she's doing this so I can forget. So I can cope with the the fact that she found someone better than me. She has moved on and I need to but it's hard when she still holds you like she did when y'all first met.

When you go, I can't watch you leave
Just promise me you'll sneak out when I'm asleep

I walked out of her room after a while and just sat on the sofa. I knew that her alarm was going to be going off in just about 5 minutes. I don't wanna see her go. I don't want her to leave. I know I wouldn't be able to stand it. My heart would just immediately shatter. I know that I won't be able to watch her leave. I couldn't even watch her go when she would just be going out with friends for the night and now she's leaving permanently. Where did I go so wrong? I always made her promise for her to sneak out when I was asleep and now she can't. The noise from her alarm started going off as I snapped back into reality. It was finally going to happen. She was leaving. I just walked out of the room to save myself the pain that was about to get added on when she walked out that door for the last time.

And when you go, and you're miles out too far
I wake up wishing everything was just a dream

I listened as suitcases started to be wheeled out of the house and onto the pavement outside the door. I knew this was coming but why did it hurt so much when it finally came? I mean I know I wasn't ready for it but it was now or then. As I heard her take out the last few of her boxes and suitcases I just sat in silence. I sat wishing someone would wake me up, I just wish I was dreaming right now. I heard a singular key hit the kitchen island and then I heard it. I heard the one noise I was dreading: I heard the door close.

Just act like you love me so I can go on
And act like you love me so I can go on
Just act like you love me so I can go on

That was it she was gone. Out the door, on a plane, already miles away. I got up, walked around the house and just reminisced about our relationship. I just walked until eventually I found myself in my room again sitting in the bed with tears streaming down my face. I guess I was glad that she was acting. I can say that she had to act like she loved me so I could go on. This was only the beginning so I guess here's to new beginnings.