circling the drain

VII

At first, sadness is just one of the key emotions taught in schools.

It was just something a person feels when an upsetting event occurs and I had always believed that wherever there is sadness, there is happiness that counters it.

Like some form of evil being destroyed by the greater good.

It was very simple. I was young.

Sadness was just an emotion. At times, it's unbearable, but my hopeful and ignorant self thought that there'll be a form of happiness that will eventually come and quench it.

And yet, here I am now, years drenched and enveloped by sadness that no amount of happiness could seemingly surmount to.

Sadness wasn't just an emotion for me,
it had become my home,

my habit,

my sanctuary for many years.

Like a second skin.

And I'm afraid, and almost certain, that sadness is all I'll ever be.