tangled

Chapter 1 - Ruhi

*the present*
 
Ruhi

My head hurts bad and I haven't left my bed since morning. Its around 3 in the noon now. I look at the bed side clock wondering when did it complete half a round. I have been here, unmoving since morning nine. It is probably the reason why my head hurts so much.
All I can think about is him. No matter how hard I try, everything falls back— to him.
My eyes slide a little away from the clock to the picture frame. It's the selfie I took on our picnic. His smile and mine, it brings a fresh pool of tears in my eyes.
Why does it matter so much?
How did we become so close in less than a year that it seems impossible to be torn apart from him?
Why do I feel so suffocated?
This is all too much to take in.
My body is still processing the fact that, all he asked for was only time.
Little time?  too much time? - i don't know.
But i have to give him his space and he has to understand that, i did it all, for him.
I cant even think of hurting him ever. I don't think i am even capable of that.

Yesterday when he looked at me and asked, if all of what he had heard was true, though i hadn't answered his question he still knew that it was true.
The fact that he had already believed all of it was true gives a sense of aching pain in my chest. But am I worthy of him after what I did to him? How could I have thought that i was protecting him when i was clearly lying to his face for days. I wish I had trusted him a little more. I wish i wasn't so selfish after all. I know how it feels like when the people you love make you feel betrayed. Trust me when i say its the worst feeling ever. But more than distrust, hurt lies, which i have been doing for the past several days and now it has finally come full circle. I should have known better. karma is really a bit*h—and now she has come to me.

My mind is running full of a million thoughts.
It is filled with guilt and innocence. I wish he could see right through me and know how sorry I am for what i have done.
My mind speaks to itself, "Ruhi—give it time".
But i cant just find the brake to my thoughts.If its gonna race so fast it'll probably explode like a race car that has been running at a speed of hundred for the past 3 hours—or maybe it will run simply out of diesel.
I glare at myself for the insanity of my comparisons. Thoughts are really stupid, they never stop. Not even when we sleep. Why don't they get tired? I hear a sound coming from my tummy. I look at it. Poor it.

My stomach is craving for food but in the morning when i fed it with the so-called 'Milan-special' waffles and Nutella, it felt as if i was nearly ready to puke. No, the waffles were perfectly fine its just i have lost all my appetite and yet am hungry. I cant even begin to imagine how stupid it must sound, But i guess if I don't give it some food now, i will probably puke out of hunger. But what will I even throw up? I haven't eaten anything.

I gather all the strength left in me and leave my bed. I slip our favourite black tank top over my shoulders and grab my grey shorts. Its chilling outside but inside the house the heaters are working perfectly fine-something i am really grateful for. I look in the mirror.
I wish i never had. I really look pathetic.
Maybe a hot water bath will help?- but first food- because my body could really use some energy. I go out in the kitchen hoping to find something nice and fresh. I see milan in the kitchen and I see an open half clipped packet of pasta.

"Hello sleeping beauty. I haven't seen you after you were nauseous in the morning. Stop sulking over him, Its all gonna be okay." he looks me with sympathy.

I love this about him. He is always cheery, assuring and sweet and calm. This man really does know how to work with a girls mood. Yesterday in the evening I shared and had my conversation with him and he held my hand and said its all going to be okay and we will all go back to normal. I wish whatever he ever spoke came true because he really speaks the wishes.

"I haven't been sleeping all day.." i say complainingly, "just don't feel like wasting the last ounce of energy left in me."

"Ruhi, all you need is some fresh cooked pasta with soda. And a body wash. A bubble body bath precisely. It's gonna make you look much better" he says.
" Oh some food will do me great but wait-
What do you mean? Don't i like good right now!?" though i know how pathetic i look, I have to ask. Obviously.