I miss you

Therapy

Charles looked down at his hands. He nervously fingered the wrapped gauze on his wrist. He felt anxious sitting in this chair, like he was about to jump out of his skin.

"So, tell me about the voices," she said. He looked up at her.

Max had recommended he go see a therapist after he tried to kill himself. Charles found one not far from his home, and made an appointment with her as soon as possible so as not to miss the next race. Her name was Maria and she was very kind, but Charles felt nervous talking to her about his problems. He didn't think anyone cared about them, but Maria seemed to.

"Well, one of them tells me to hurt myself," he started.

You shouldn't be here. Leave.

"He talks to me a lot and tries to convince to do things I know I shouldn't," Charles said, ignoring the voice.

"Did he convince you to commit suicide?" she asked, pen to her notepad expectantly.

I said leave.

Charles blinked slowly, trying to fight against the voice. He was starting to feel dizzy, but tried his hardest to keep himself in the present. "Yes," he replied.

"If you're starting to dissociate, then we can stop talking about this," she said suddenly, noticing his struggle to stay awake.

"No, I'm okay," he said quickly. He wasn't, but he was working so hard to not be pulled under again. He didn't want to give up on talking about what was going on with him.

She wrote something down, then said "You said 'one of them'. Is there another one?"

"Yes," he replied. "The other one... tries to protect me? If that makes any sense."

"Interesting..." she said quietly, writing more down in her notepad. "Does this voice talk to you a lot as well?"

"Not really," he said. "I've only heard him when I dissociate. He seems weaker than the other one."

He is weaker. I am the strongest.

Charles blinked slowly, now really struggling to stay in the real world. His head was starting to hurt from trying to push back against the dissociation.

"I can see you're struggling. Let's stop for today, okay?" Maria said, looking at him.

"Okay," he replied. He kept blinking, slowly growing weaker against the push. The voice was very strong today.

"Alright, I'll see you at our next appointment," she said, putting her notepad and pen down on the table next to her. Charles got up and walked towards the door.

"Goodbye," he said, waving at her. She waved back, and then he went through the door.

Suddenly he dissociated very hard. He stopped in his tracks, eyes fluttering and trying to stay open. He couldn't move.

"Charles?"

Charles pulled out of it just enough to look up at Max, who was waiting for him. "I'm okay," he said, smiling slightly. The walked together out of the office and into Max's car.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" Max asked, starting the car and beginning to pull out of the parking space.

No.

"Yes, please," Charles said, denying the voice of having a say in the matter. He knew he needed someone to keep him safe, and Max was the obvious choice for that.

It only took about ten minutes to get to Charles' home. He got out of the car and stumbled, still dissociating slightly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Max asked, watching Charles closely.