Three's A Crowd (#WattysLonglist) (COMPLETED)

Devil's Advocate

"There's one thing you need to understand about this world before you got out and live it, Em." Jesse breathed, squeezing my hands. "Most people out there won't give a shit about you. They would rather wallow in their own pity, in their "perfect" lives, in themselves, then try and allow their hearts to be open to caring for anyone outside of them."

"Not everyone is like that, Jess." I frowned, searching his green eyes for any sort of remorse for what he'd said. There was none.

"I said most, Em. Not all." He reminded. "I have had the luck of finding a few of those people who actually care, that have a heart, that see the world outside themselves. Those people are family, they are going to be the ones that hold you when you need them, not just run to you when they need you. They are going to be the ones that love you for you, not for something you posses or hate you for something you dislike. Those are the people you need to keep in your life in order to survive in this world."

I stared at him, tears in my eyes seeing how pained his expression was. "How will I know the difference?"

He smiled weakly. "Your heart will know, Em. Always, no matter what the situation, follow your heart and not your head."

**

I suppose Jesse's pep talk is what led me astray from my usual way back to the condo and heading for Logan's gym. I didn't have to go in all the way. I could slip in, see he was okay, then disappear back out the door as if I wasn't there to begin with. But the moment I walked through the large, cold door, my backpack hanging off my shoulder, I started to turn on my heel.

Jesse was in the midst of an argument with a short dark haired girl, who was only rocking back and forth on her feet with a flirtatious smile.

"Mm, yeah, okay, sexy." She patted his chest. "But I gotta go. See you soon."

She saluted him with a kiss on the cheek before heading in my direction. She raised a dark eyebrow as she approached, dark eyes raking me up and down, then shrugged and dipped outside before I got the chance to do the same.

Logan, having followed the girl to the door, caught sight of me and shut his eyes. "What the hell are you doing here, Emily?"

"I was just going to slip in and check on you then pop back out." I couldn't stop the snide comment that escaped me. "But it looks like you're doing great, so I'm sorry I did this."

He snorted. "Okay, Emily. You're the one that kicked me out."

"I kicked you out because I'm not going to watch you kill yourself, Logan!" I snapped. "You're high as a kite now, and you will be once it wears off. You're love for me, for your roommates, for Jesse, doesn't compare to the euphoric feeling of the drugs, does it?"

His lips pulled back in a snarl. "You are a drug too, Emily. I crave your touch, your voice, even your God Damn bitching, but no, it isn't as strong as the need I have for heroine."

"I lost Jesse." I said, feeling my hand clench into a fist at my side. "And Collin is convincing me if I leave you like this, leave you to keep shooting up, I'm going to lose you too. But I want to be selfish for once in my life, I want to hate you, I want to just protect my own sanity, Logan."

"But?" He breathed.

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "But I can't. Because you knew Jesse as well as I did. Or maybe neither of us knew him at all, really. You are the only one who understands the pain, the emptiness, the loneliness I feel. And no matter how hard I try, I can't run away from it. One of his Squad buddies showed up a couple days ago, you know? He left a video camera with Jesse's suicide note on it, Logan."