I don't really remember when all this started.
I just remember that I woke up one day
laying on the carpet floor.
Not really sure where I was but the people that were there made it feel like home.
The people that I called mom and dad.
That was probably the first and last time it felt
like home.
I don't recall my age. 4? I guess it makes sense,
you'll understand soon.
I honestly like the apartment we were living in.
It was a two bedroom, one bathroom
apartment on the third floor?
I don't remember much of it.
I don't remember most of the things that
happened during my childhood.
Of course I have some memories from my
childhood, just not a lot like other people do.
I do however, remember seeing the world
so bright, so beautiful.
I was amazed by it's beauty.
I loved the feeling of the springs, hot grass
between my toe's.
The cool rain as it touched my hand as soon as
it fell from the endless sky.
I miss that feeling.
I was very quiet as a kid, extremely shy.
I guess some things never change.
I don't like talking to people, I've always been
scared to talk to people.
I hate being in a crowded place, the closer
you think they get the more you feel your
breath leave your lungs, not returning,
suffocating you.
I always did what I was supposed to do, or at
least tried.
I've Always been a sweet kid, very calm also.
I miss that kid.
Loved the outdoors, never wanting to leave the
playground when the time came.
Could've spent hours, and hours swimming at
our local pool, Pretending I was a mermaid.
Fun? Yes, while it lasted.
I do remember the feeling of love.
How it felt to love someone.
How it felt to be loved.
I'd be lying if I told you that I feel that love
now.
Don't get me wrong, I care about my family,
my people.
Care.
Love.
Very different.
I miss the way little me viewed things.
The way they felt about someone or something.
They were innocent.
A kid.
