Jump in the Puddles

♡Love♡

Love.

A four letter word. A word that I said so easily.

September 24th, 2018. 

It's Midnight. 4 years ago. Age 18. At an abandoned park. Sitting on the old creaky swings. Matilda is staring at her beat up converse while swinging slightly, a frown on her face.

I watched her move slowly, her eyes threatening to spill tears. The sight of seeing such an angel so sad. Its like watching the feathers of her wings fall to the ground, preventing her from flying.

It was quiet. Neither one of us spoke. I asked a few questions here and there, asking if she was okay, if she wanted to talk about it. She never responded to anything, just held the same position, with the same look on her face.

It pained me seeing her like that, and her not responding to me wanting to help her made me feel helpless, like I was unable to do anything.

I got up from my swing and kneeled right in front of her, cupping her soft cheeks in the palms of my hands.

"I understand that you don't want to talk to me right now and I respect that. I'm just trying to help you. I had seeing you sad, Love." I said softly.

Her tears finally began to fall. I wiped them away and kissed her face.

"I love you"  I spoke between kisses.

I kissed the tip of her nose.

"I love you"

Her forehead.

"I love you"

Her temple.

"I love you"

Her cheeks.

"I love you"

I kissed her tears away.

"I love you"

And finally her soft pink lips..

"I love you...so much...more than anything. And I want you to know that. I love you so very much Matilda Juniper Rose.." I pressed my forehead against hers.

She cried more, leaning into my touch, falling out of the swing onto the ground in front of me and hugged me tightly, burying her head into the crook of my neck.

I didn't say anything else, just held her. Stroking the back of her head, humming softly.

"I...I love you too..." she spoke between gentle sobs, "I'm so s..sorry.."

I shushed her softly. Why was she saying sorry? She had nothing to be sorry for? Maybe because it's been a week since we've last hung out? I mean she wasn't home and if she was it was because she was sick. She has nothing to be sorry for, so why is she apologizing?

"Why are you apologizing, Tills? There's nothing to be sorry for.." she shook her head in the crook of my neck and sobbed harder.

September 24th, 2022

She never answered my question that night. I never got my answer, and till this day I still wonder why she said sorry..

I sighed and stood up from my dorm bed and walked over to my desk and opened the drawer. And unopened envelope sat neatly all alone in the drawer, my name written in the beautiful familiar handwriting.

'Paisley♡'

It's been 4 years since I've gotten the letter, and yet...I've never opened it. I know it contains the answers that I want. The answers that I need, and yet..I can never bring myself to open it.

I'm not ready for the answers it contains no matter how much I long for them.

Oh, Love...why didn't you just tell be before...

Before what happened.