no means no.

i thought he loved me.

TW: sexual assault and self harm.

I felt his warms hands trail down my cold torso, my body shivers. I turn my head and look back, to see his face, its my boyfriend, he leans in and kisses my cheek softly, pulling me in by waist and placing his hands up my shirt.

"love, please don't, im not comfortable with that" I stutter

He doesn't listen. He starts to kiss my neck, I try to push him away, his hands move up to my breats, he lightly squeezes them and I groan, I attempt to push him away again, I manage to get his face away from mine and I storm off.

I stare at my clock "2:43 am" it reads. A tear falls down my face, I cant seem to get the feeling of his hands on my body to go away. I always thought the people that love you were meant to make you feel good about yourself, meant to make you feel loved, not like this. I feel sick and I waddle to my bathroom, I throw up. I decide to take a shower, I take off my clothes slowly revealing my body, I stand and look at myself in the mirror for a bit, and my eyes start to tear up. 

"does he only see me as my body?" "I thought he loved  me" i think to myself

i get into the shower and turn on the hot water, i pick up my eyebrow razor and gently drag it across my skin, it draws blood and i feel some sort of pain, but not bad pain, good pain. it feels nice.