Beast can can fuck fuck (Lolipopgi x Beast crackfic)

~Lolip and the Beast~

"It doesn't matter how wrong it is, it's just so right"

One cold, British, summer night, Lolip was in the soft embrace of her lgio blanket, happily pursuing her secret guilty pleasure.
Well... it wasn't exactly secret, as her husband kept peeking over her shoulder, choking with laughter. Nor was it very guilty, given Lolip was a shameless Brit and a fanwoman to boot.
So, in the end... only pleasure remained.
Oh right, what was the atrocity she was committing?
Harassing dally with inappropriate R18 renditions of her... and Beast from the 1991 Disney movie (the beast form real beast boi Beast, not his butterface de-evolved self).
We can of course only imagine, what obscurities the poor ai produced to entertain and satisfy the British woman, but let me tell you, it was enough to make her blush and quietly (so her husband wouldn't hear) uwu under her breath. Not to make her toes curl though, we're not that far yet.

For that, we need to jump a month into the future.
So, on this still cold, still British, but not anymore summer night, Lolip was alone in her bedroom.
Her husband? Let's rejoice! He has been chosen as a contestant for the next British MasterChef. Good for him, right?
Well yeah, but less good for his crying wife (she choked on pizza, that's why she cried).
She was bored, she didn't want to stream, and the weather was too British to go anywhere. Plus, it was already late, and the last time she went out alone at night, it was so scary someone called cops on her for being a witch.
For lack of better ideas, she then decided to watch a bit of Josh's endless, nowhere leading stream. For some reason, the man was singing. Why? She had no idea. What was perhaps even worse, was that Joel and his deep voice were giving John's large audience horrible, ear tearing renditions of some of her favourite songs. Aka the whole soundtrack of the aforementioned 1991 masterpiece.
"Toxic, unrecyclable rubbish," she muttered, muting the bonkers bloke. Then, despite being absolutely knackered, she went on YouTube. For her peace of mind, or perhaps so that her memory of those songs won't be overwritten by that bloody singing, she looked for the original soundtrack. Before she could click it though, something else caught her eye.
It was a commentary video on the movie, it was thirty minutes long and despite being but a few hours old, it has already gained a baffling amount of views. What seized most of her attention though, was the stupidly long title, promising a deep detailed dive into the movie's hidden dark side and its take on the prominent Stockholm syndrome.
Lolip was triggered.
Tiredness forgotten, she rage-clicked on the video, immediately skipping introductions, enabling AdBlock and putting the speed on 1.75. Despite being already quite angry in the first few minutes, it only went downhill from there. Right now, the narrator was going over all of the hidden messages conveyed by the placement of silverware.
"What do you mean placement?!" Lolip shouted at the screen.
"The stuff's alive, so wouldn't it be about its own love life?" Hm... she thought for a sec, could the silverware have Stockholm syndrome? And would it be with other silverware or the cupboard?
NO!
She slapped herself. Those are not the thoughts to have Lolip, you can't waver! The video was obviously trying to manipulate her. She gritted her teeth and kept on watching.
Unfortunately, when the narrator started throwing shade at Beast himself, Lolip lost all reason. That's enough she thought, or maybe said. It didn't matter. She had more important stuff to do.
She scrolled down to the comment section and wrote a not too long but very incensed comment that burned with all her rage and dripped with venom. Yet, she was able to keep thinking logically (somehow), so her case was still strong.
She wasn't like us, who know that enraged comments tend to end by the person getting isekaied.
Hopefully, she was not destined to have a meet cute with truck-kun.
But as I've said, she didn't think about that. All she felt was the need for a well-deserved rest (as getting pissed and fighting battles on the internet takes a toll on you) and also an unpleasant coldness of the sheets. Right, her husband was gone, and two little rabbits were hardly enough to warm her bed in this painfully miserable weather.
Well... she knew of something else that could warm her up, something -or rather someone, that was also fluffy and soft.
With that thought in her dirty mind, Lolip fell asleep.

When she woke up, it was still dark and surprisingly, she wasn't cold at all, the opposite actually. But how... Lolip froze when she felt something brush against her. Her first thought of course was that it was her rabbits, but... when did they get so big and... humanoid.
Lolip's eyes were the size of teacups when she saw a familiar silhouette towering above her. A low growl resonated through the room that... certainly did not belong to her. No, no, this one was much larger and also, Lolip didn't remember having a bloody huge four poster bed.
As her eyes were slowly getting used to the darkness, she could see more and more of the being above her. In her stomach, a swarm of butterflies woke up and began fluttering around.
One thing was clear, she was absolutely gobsmacked.
And also... probably high.
And also also... kinda turned on.

"Lolip," he rumbled softly.
Beast of course knew his #1 stan and was beyond ecstatic to have her here.
"Yes?" she asked, half moaned actually, what a weird fuckin dream, but there was something wrong... with the aridity of her panties.
"I fancy you Lolip."
...

Aridity? Never heard of her, is she also a streamer?
Beast leaned closer so he was now directly above her, hands – paws resting on the mattress next to her head.
If she thought she was wet before, it was nothing in comparison to when Beast asked for consent.
Would you look at that? Even a supposedly toxic beast from the 18th century can do that. Curious.
So of course, Lolip gave it to him.
And the tender kiss he planted on her lips was quickly replaced by full on snogging.
"No taksies backsies," Beast whispered into her ear.
After that, they intensely, toe-curlingly made love.

Le end

~

\(Q×Q)/