The Snow We Gazed Upon That Day

What She Gazed Upon

"...That reminds me. Satou-san gave you a Christmas present, right?" I asked Kiyotaka.

"I dunno."

"It's no use trying to trick me. You noticed the present the moment you met up with her, didn't you?"

I've been with this guy long enough to know he was just trying to play dumb. Does he really think I would fall for this? Was he really that embarrassed? I decided to have some fun and tease him some more.

"How's it feel to have missed out? You've probably never gotten a present, have you? I mean, this is you we're talking about."

I was feeling particularly gracious at this moment, so I decided to console him on his loss. I pulled out a present from my bag and handed it to Kiyotaka without looking at him.

"It's a Christmas present from me to you. Take it, and be grateful."

"Are you sure it's ok for me to accept?"

"Think of it as me comforting you for not starting a relationship today. Something like that. In return, you can pay me back for about twice the amount it's worth," I teased.

"I feel like I'm being scammed here," Kiyotaka responded, taking the gift from me anyway. I relished my victory, but it only lasted for a moment. "Did you actually buy this for me?" Kiyotaka bluntly asked me.

I turned towards him to give him an answer, but as I opened my mouth, I froze. Just give him the answer you rehearsed. What's the big deal? All I had to do was tell a simple lie, the same thing I've done throughout the whole year. But I couldn't. Why? Why? Why?! I couldn't tell him, because I wanted to tell him the truth. But If I told him the truth, wouldn't he find out about how I felt about him? That was an outcome I had to avoid at all costs. If he turned down Satou-san, there's no way he'd even consider me. But I just wanted to be honest for once. What was the whole point of what happened on the roof if I was just going to lie and fake my feelings? With my heart starting to race, I decided I would tell him a little bit of the truth.
    

"Yeah... I did buy it for you. As thanks for helping me out all those times. Is that a problem?" I managed to eek out a response. It was believable, I think. It wouldn't be strange if you got a gift for someone out of gratitude, right? I mean, Kiyotaka has helped me out quite a bit this year. Unfortunately, he was staring at me in disbelief.
   

 "What?"

"Nothing. I was just a bit surprised by your honesty, is all. I had expected you to respond with something like 'I didn't buy this for you. It was something I bought for Yousuke-kun just in case,' or something like that." So that's what it was. I was relieved, yet at the same time, I was annoyed.

"Is that what you take me for?"

"Yes, actually."

"Hmph!"

This guy, he knows me too well. Sure enough, that's what I was going to tell him. That's what I told all the girls around me I was doing when we went shopping together, that I was buying a present for Yousuke-kun. It was necessary to keep up appearances that way. It's frustrating, but even something as small as him understanding me like this is enough to make me conscious around him right now. I think Kiyotaka sensed my frustration, because he suddenly changed the subject.