Look at me. Even if it is just for a moment.
See me. I am real. I am standing in front of you desperately wanting you to look at me and only me and to not look past me. Just like you've been doing for the past months.
You eyes find mine. Just as they do every time. Blue. But empty. Shallow. Yet longing for something that I do not have to offer you.
Even though you are staring directly at me from across the room I can tell it is not me that you are looking at but rather my hollow shell of figure that you have created me to be.
What have you done to me?
Its as though that same cold stare that you have been giving me for the past weeks keeps shattering into my soul. Each time a little more. Then a little more. Worming, digging and lastly rooting.
Its only then, at the lowest moments that you pull me to your chest and make me promises that you never intend on keeping that I truly feel safe.
Safe in your arms
Because you love me. But you only love me at times that are the most convenient for you. Choosing your feelings over mine each time. Forgetting I too am being completely broken on your behalf. But I must be strong. I HAVE to be strong for you. Because I love YOU.
To tell me that you love me. And to show me are two very different things. But I have myself convinced that you love me. Even if no proof follows.
I choose this.
And because I chose you, I chose to carry your pain as well. The type of pain that eats me away little by little until nothing is left but what use to be, turned into a glimpse of hope that I could one day return to. Carrying you. With me.
But now here I am. And there you are. Giving me that same look that makes me chose to stay every time.
In your eyes I feel safe. In your arms i feel loved.
My only job is to give and give until I have nothing left to give you and as you turn to talk away I hold on to any piece of you that I can grasp because it is you that I love.
My love. My person.
Hushed whispers under pillow cases completely nonexistent in our other conversations. Because you take from me what you want and whisper empty promises in return.
But I yet I chose to stay. Because I chose you. Every time.
You could say I love you a 1000 times. And never mean a single one. but even then I would still stay. Because when I say I love you once, I love you 1000 times greater.
