venting.

people..and my views on them

04/09/2022 2:44 am :')

Im a human, and ive been one my whole life (who could have guessed?), so you'd think i'd have an understanding of human emotion, right?

no.

i dont.

and i hate it.

I just feel like im a raging narcissist because i literally ONLY can care about myself. as much as i try to insert myself into social settings, as much as i talk to people, befriend them, have fun with people, listen to their emotions, deal with them, I cant care about them. If it doesnt affect me, i just.. physically CANNOT care no matter HOW MUCH i try...

i hate forming emotional bonds with people because then eventually emotions will be involved and i'll have to deal with them.

in my friend circle, im the therapist, i have to sit there and listen and deal with peoples mental health and all their problems. i have to help them, but i just...cant. Its almost like i feel different emotions than other people? or my emotions are fucked up, or i dont have barely any, i dont know..

not trying to seem like a psychopath but i just dont have fucking remorse ahahgsghsdffd....kms

i cant really explain how i feel about people. i hate them. I hate them so much. i hate everyone. because i have to deal with them. and they dump their problems on me. dude i wish i could just be fucking alone but im trapped with so many people

family, friends, im trapped.

i wish i could run away. pack my bags. never have to deal with another human again.

not to mention how socially fucking awkward i am and how much god damn anxciety i have

i got social anxiety from my dad, and general anxiety from my mom. 

i just..wish i could have normal conversations with people. i wish i could have friends without worrying. i wish i didnt have this lingering feeling that something is off about people and social settings 24/7. i wish i could be happy. i wish people understood me. i wish i was just fuckign normal.

its affecting my personal life. i cant keep my room clean for shit, i cant keep up with my personal hygene, its bad. i havent seen a therapist in months because they've been busy too :D....

if you for some reason spent a few minutes of your life to read about my shitty problems, first of all, dont you have anything better to do? secondly, thank you. i appreciate it. if anyone has any explanation for how i feel or if anyone feels a similar way..please tell me...?