04/09/2022 2:44 am :')
Im a human, and ive been one my whole life (who could have guessed?), so you'd think i'd have an understanding of human emotion, right?
no.
i dont.
and i hate it.
I just feel like im a raging narcissist because i literally ONLY can care about myself. as much as i try to insert myself into social settings, as much as i talk to people, befriend them, have fun with people, listen to their emotions, deal with them, I cant care about them. If it doesnt affect me, i just.. physically CANNOT care no matter HOW MUCH i try...
i hate forming emotional bonds with people because then eventually emotions will be involved and i'll have to deal with them.
in my friend circle, im the therapist, i have to sit there and listen and deal with peoples mental health and all their problems. i have to help them, but i just...cant. Its almost like i feel different emotions than other people? or my emotions are fucked up, or i dont have barely any, i dont know..
not trying to seem like a psychopath but i just dont have fucking remorse ahahgsghsdffd....kms
i cant really explain how i feel about people. i hate them. I hate them so much. i hate everyone. because i have to deal with them. and they dump their problems on me. dude i wish i could just be fucking alone but im trapped with so many people
family, friends, im trapped.
i wish i could run away. pack my bags. never have to deal with another human again.
not to mention how socially fucking awkward i am and how much god damn anxciety i have
i got social anxiety from my dad, and general anxiety from my mom.
i just..wish i could have normal conversations with people. i wish i could have friends without worrying. i wish i didnt have this lingering feeling that something is off about people and social settings 24/7. i wish i could be happy. i wish people understood me. i wish i was just fuckign normal.
its affecting my personal life. i cant keep my room clean for shit, i cant keep up with my personal hygene, its bad. i havent seen a therapist in months because they've been busy too :D....
if you for some reason spent a few minutes of your life to read about my shitty problems, first of all, dont you have anything better to do? secondly, thank you. i appreciate it. if anyone has any explanation for how i feel or if anyone feels a similar way..please tell me...?
YOU ARE READING
venting.
Non-Fictionim fucked up so ima anonymously vent if you know me, whether it be irl or online. then well, have fun knowing these things about me, hope it doesnt ruin our friendship.