There are, as we are all very aware, many emotions. If we let them, our emotions can very easily control us. They can control our thoughts, our actions, our nature, our very way of life and they can even go so far as to completely control our own fate.
Emotion can consume us especially if one emotion in particular rules above all others. It is through emotion that we learn about ourselves too. When emotion takes us, we may do things that we may never have thought would or could happen. We get to know ourselves in how we act emotionally to any given circumstance.
Some of these things we might do can be horrible and shocking, create revile we could never foresee, while other things might pleasantly surprise us and even teach us that things may not be so bad after all.
1.
From birth until such time Roland was free to care for himself, he had been forced, in a way, to go by and along with various surnames. He never particularly cared for any of these surnames. They would never be his. Neither would be the surname he had been born with. Circumstance dictate that he never will carry forward anything that ever belonged to his father with the probable exception of anger that it.
Those whose care and protection he was under never meant all so much to him. Homes he never had, for stays of any kind were fleeting. Levels of difficulty were too high for love to ever settle in. He was grateful of course; he knew others were trying but again difficulty would always exist. Life had only one direction for him, and he was ever so ready to see it through.
Throughout his time as a minor, what he would and what he did care for ... was himself and at that, his own care was never really a priority. He wouldn't allow himself frivolous things. There would be no fun and games, no time for matters of the heart, well there had been time, he just didn't allow for those things in his life.
Held back by age, his anger often got the better of him. Turning eighteen, however, completely set him free. The anger he had known for the better part of his life stayed with him beyond his eighteenth birthday, for in reality he knew very little else, except for how to fight, that is.
There was this one time, at the age of thirteen years, Roland sat at the side of a bed in a cubicle in the accident and emergency department of a particular hospital, one he never cared to remember, one hospital is the same as the next more or less. A doctor by the name Adrian Adams had just completed tending to the boy which including overseeing a nurse stitching a wound to the boy's upper lip before moving out of the cubicle to have a look at Roland's x-rays.
Right the way through from when the doctor began treating his young patient up to the moment of viewing the x-rays, Roland had not cried out or whimpered, he did not even so much as speak a single word.
'So, what happened to this young chap? For the life of me I can't get him to open up and tell me what happened' the doctor asks of one of the attending nurses.
'Oh, he was picked on and attacked by three older boys for no apparent reason.'
'Really? He may be a little different, but no child deserves what happened here.'
'Well, this is nothing, it looks like Roland is well able of looking out for himself, for all three of those other kids have been admitted for the night for observation.'
'You're kidding ...'
'Their injuries are even so severe that the three other boys all had to be treated first. I'm just glad you were around to see our young friend here; he had been picked on after all, so he shouldn't really have had to wait ...'
It would in places like this where he would hear about it. Adults around him spoke quietly as if he couldn't hear or understand. Roland was never a mean, disruptive, or evil child, it was just the situations he would get himself into. The intention at times may be up for debate, though there were times situations would arise were others attempted to victimize the boy over his size and how he looked though, as it was, and more often than not, those who brought him grief would suffer for their actions.
Yeah, this boy is big, he can fight, he certainly has issues. Imagine if he were to ... well ... he might just, once he is old enough. Charges would never be brought against him. He was a minor for one thing, and those would persist in offering grief, often done so in numbers and in his defense, Roland would only have himself and whatever God gave him. And if there is a God, then what is his problem with Roland?
Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.
2.
From the time he first heard about it at that young age of only thirteen, Roland prepared himself to enter the online reality show known simply as 'Animal'. A highly sought-after show which has featured and does feature people who are more animal than human, a show which has just one goal, a goal which is the same for one and all who take part.
He literally heard about this show at the very hospital he has being treated in. in other places there would be whispers, here he heard something while those who spoke were unaware of Roland's presence. Two porters in one of the hospital cafeteria area were conversing about a place, a place that is more of an event than a place.
Roland heard words like graphic violence, and only one survives over the deaths of others. This is the goal of it all. And he heard his name spoken and of how one day, neither adult would be surprised if they boy were to take place in said event.
This goal of this yearly event, Roland would discover after some investigation, is to become the one who can last the longest, go the furthest, survive an ordeal and end it all as the last person standing. ... It would be something of a perfect opportunity to release all the rage he owns and then some, and if someone were to think of taking advantage of Roland ... well ... may God have mercy on their souls.
To say that the show itself is an ordeal would be one heck of an understatement, though it is something that many work years or even the whole lives towards despite the fact that it, if they gain entry to, it will most likely take their lives, for there can be only survivor each and every year the show takes place.
The show, if it can be called that, is viewed worldwide by those with deep pockets, or those who pool together to gain access, those with whom have an appetite for gore and violence, and it also is kept well-hidden, not that it always needs to be for many heads are often turned away from the fact that real people are being killed each time the contest takes place as contestants often are required to be scum of the Earth.
Criminals, murderers, and the likes are made offers to take part in such an event though every once in a while, someone is chosen and invited purely based on reputation. One invitee's reputation was such that his eighteenth birthday was eagerly anticipated.
Roland never had things easy; it had always been quite the opposite. He was just two years old the morning his father came home after being out all-night drinking. Being drunk and having been informed that his job had been lost the day before, along with the knowledge that he and his family were facing eviction from the family home, Roland's father completely lost himself.
Dear old dad had had enough and whether or not he had intended to or not he went on a rampage, resulting in an attack of his wife, Roland's mother, strangling her, killing her in an upstairs bedroom before he himself fell downstairs to his own death. Roland survived five days alone before anyone realized anything was wrong.
It was the constant anger he carried within which would ensure that Roland would spend most of his childhood growing up in orphanages rather than in foster care and it was that anger which attracted interest from those behind organizing the 'Animal' show. There were a couple of families ... none that took for whatever reason. Roland had been polite and thankful though indeed got himself into trouble on more than one occasion, intention again could be debated, and again, nothing which warranted much severity punishment wise.
As well as Roland's anger, his size was of definite notice. Six foot ten and over three hundred and fifty pounds, at eighteen Roland was a big angry guy. His size and shape often made him the target of attack in the past though he usually came away still standing making sure that those who challenged him would not make the same mistake twice.
The show he so desperately wanted to enter is indeed a yearly event which takes place on an undisclosed island and the only way to take part is to indeed be invited. Roland's invitation arrived on the day of his eighteenth birthday, and he was only too happy to respond quickly and positively to that invite if indeed happy is or could be a word or emotion which could be associated with Roland.
