A Phantom 《FAIRYTAIL X READER》

12: Drowning

Sometimes, she wonders if the Gods were laughing at her from above the clouds and beneath the lands. At some point, she pondered on her past actions. It was a self reflection, trying to detect any wrongdoings that led to her misfortune. But not even her eyes could detect the unforeseen future. Was it foolish of her to dedicate her life to a difficult task? To judge the living and balance out the scales? Ever since that fateful journey, she had the sense that she was seeing through fabricated lenses. That her eyes are allowing her to see only a portion of the spectrum.

Recalling the past was like fishing out fragments of glass from sand. Now, what she went through in the past seems nonsensical to think about. Every tantalising seconds dragged on for hours, despite it only being five minutes. Time was absent during this time, only furthering her belief that she had been walking for years. At the time, she was being accompanied by Death, who had promised her to introduce her to a 'Deity'. The promise always managed to make her forget about the struggles from getting from point A to B.

So, she was ecstatic when the journey was over. But her mood plummeted like the dead. To sit upon a throne, rendered immobile was not fun. Strapped down to the chair like a prisoner, and sat under the dying light of a star. Her legs felt like jelly, shaking from exhaustion yet fear. Darkness awaited her outside of the light, uttering words she could not comprehend. It was as though they were mocking her, taunting and belittling her. They did not raise their voice, but their hushed voices were enough to garner a few tears. Somehow, she knew those words weren't the brightest.

To be judged by scales, her heart ripped from her body to be weighed against a feather. An unnecessary procedure, according to the Reaper, yet the deity persisted. This deity bore features she didn't quite recognise, with a head of an animal (she could only assume). To this day, she wasn't sure if it was a joke or not. She hoped it was a joke. She hoped that the deity actually likes her, and is awaiting her success.

Now, her mind is plagued with doubt.

Gajeel was someone she could always go to for his comfort and presence. He was a good friend, she enjoyed his company. He was the kind of person she quite liked hearing praises from, especially if relating to her line of work, her abilities in general. His words were mirrored back to her in hush whispers, trembling one's then bolder ones.

She walked like a man on stilts along the edge of the rooftop, her arms pushed out to her sides. Her head was bowed, and her eyes lingered on her shoes. The wind howled like a thousand tortured souls, barrelling above the city like escaping souls of the dead. Yet their cold shrieked and grabbing hands could not shake her. She brushed them off as mere breeze and carried on with her aimless walking.

Then, she touched her face. It was brief, a moment of silence. Her fingers barely brushed her cheeks, unable to press her fingers down. Feather-like touches graced the skin beneath her eyes, and dragged down to her chin. Her expression shifted, rippled when she finally pressed her fingers down. She did not feel sparks beneath her fingertips, or the familiar lurching of magic surging through her veins. It was the complete opposite: absence. The absence of the familiar texture left her hollow.

Her battered vision, blurry with tears, darted to the empty streets. The interlocking stone patterns seemed to grow to an overwhelming hugeness that took over her vision. What was once simple patterns became whorls that unravelled itself. She had to tear her gaze away from the display, and look back to see that the ground was still.

The whispers silenced the wind's howling, and drowned out the discordant babbling and ruckus from the bars nearby.

'A ragdoll,' She reminisced, her lips forming a frown. Those words defeated her, which was not much of a shock. If the reaper was here to witness her moping, they wouldn't see it as much of a surprise. Rather, the inevitable. No matter how hard she screws her eyes shut, or how frantic she covers her ears, she cannot ignore the words of truth. They were going to swim to the surface eventually, Gajeel was just their guiding light.