Ruthless Alpha and His Curvy Mate

Morning Thoughts | Chapter I

*Disclaimer: Please don't read if body-image related topics are a trigger for you*

- Chapter 1 -

Beep Beep! Beep Beep!

I groaned as I searched for my stupid iPhone that kept ringing like no tomorrow.

"Great, another day in hell, at least it will be my last year of school and I am a senior BITCHESS!! I feel like such a badass now." I thought to myself, but who am I kidding? I am far from being a badass. I am seventeen year-old in high school and all though most girls, if not all, around my age are happy for finding their mate and finishing school...let me tell you I am far from sharing those feelings.

I grew up thinking that I would be happy to be done with school, that after so many years of studying hard I could be free and be the person I was meant to be. However, sadness came over me knowing that I was a nobody outside of school. Let me explain. My parents felt so proud of me for always being a straight-A student but I was only like that because they forced me to. I remember as an eight-year old I would come home all excited saying "look mom, I got a 98 on my exam!" and what was her response? "Oh that's good, but it wasn't one hundred sweetie". I know she meant well all those years but it still hurt, it's almost as if I wasn't good enough.

I inhaled and exhaled slowly as I thought about what kind of year I would have. I was not necessarily bullied for my weight or for the way my body was shaped. However, you just know the stares people give you as a "curvy" girl. Sadly, the way people look at you with their piercing eyes can say way more than words. Guys weren't really interested in me and even though I would feel their eyes all over my body, let me be the one to tell you that desire for me was the last thought they ever had. I felt uncomfortable, I hated all types of clothes, let me just say it.... I hated how I looked. Friends and family would say "you look beautiful" and although I would mumble "thanks", I never once meant it nor once believed their words.

My name is Isa and if you still don't know... I am a "curvy" girl with hazel eyes that shift from gold, yellow, brown and green depending on my clothing. I have super curly long brown hair that I get complimented on all the time. Guess my eyes and hair are the only good things going on for me. My body... eh I don't want to really talk about it but let's just say my hips were too big for my liking and they were just asking to be seen by everyone.

I finally got out of bed and headed to take a shower, trying to eliminate all the negative thoughts that came to my brain.

As I looked in my closet for a cute outfit, I knew deep down that "cute" wasn't an option. I wish I was confident in my body but I simply wasn't. I see body-positivity messages all over TikTok, Instagram, Facebook but I just don't share those feelings and I know that I am not a strong nor confident girl.

Sigh. When am I ever going to find a mate, somebody to love me when I don't even love myself? Even if I find a mate, what are the chances that he would love me? Won't I just be a joke? Will he look at me with desire, crave me and my body? Who are you kidding Isa? That's impossible.

I shook my head again trying to clear my head. I definitely don't want to start my senior year with negative thoughts.... I just couldn't help it, it's in my nature.

To Be Continued

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