𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 │ 𝘆𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗯𝗶𝗻

( 𝓟 )

𝗶 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂

It seemed like every corner of this house was hunted with silent screams and his echoed sobs, the horrid sounds for once drowned out by the immense silence and the cries of the pounding rain hitting his bedroom window.

There he sat on the edge of his bed, so still, as if he wasn't breathing, as if he wasn't really in front of me, just a mere sick illusion my mind managed to make up.

A wicked laugh broke out in the dark room only lit by the dresser lamp. The laughter wasn't fun-filled or filled with joy. It sounded empty. Hallow. And a sudden sensation filled me. I could feel my whole body shake and heat up with it. My mind turned fuzzy and static. I couldn't focus on anything.

With a motion of my body, my fist met with the mirror, and the sound of shattered glass fell from the mirror and onto his hardwood floor, the burning in my hand overcoming the fuzz in my head.

Relief.

The blood running down my knuckles matched the blood painted on my white shirt.

"Oh my god, Soobin, I was just-"

"Just what, Yeonjun! Huh? Just what, what joking?" I loved to hear his voice, but right now, what he was about to say wasn't something I wanted to hear. Not right now. Seeing him visibly gulp through the now tiny piece of glass on the mirror, staring at those big brown eyes and his pretty lips, the lips I've always wanted to kiss. I just couldn't think.

"All you do is make jokes because you're afraid to take anything seriously. Because god fucking forbid if you take things seriously, they matter."

"Wh-what are you on about?" Yeonjun played with the sleeves of my black hoodie he wore, the corner of his lip twitching as his chest heaved.

Was he playing stupid?

The anger once felt before came crashing back onto me tenfold, and the new wave brought pain and eagerness.

"I fucking love you, Yeonjun!" my mouth opened before I could filter anything.

Yeonjun's eyes grew big, and his mouth opened "wh-wh-"

"It wasn't supposed to happen." I interrupted him, my tense shoulders falling with the weight they'd been carrying around for eleven years, the weight coming out in the form of a heavy sigh. "I wasnt supposed to love you like this. When I first met you, I wouldn't have ever imagined that you would be the one I would ach for, one's whose name leaves me with this nostalgic pain. You mean more to me than I ever expected."

Yeonjun's breath hitched in the dead night, but nothing else left him.

We stood in silence before the silence became too strangling to me. Shaking my head, I pushed off the dresser and walked around Yeonjun, heading out the open bedroom door into the house hallway and down the stairs.

Halfway down the stairs, Yeonjun came running out of his room and down the stairs skipping a few steps to catch up with me. "So-soobin," he called to me out of breath. Immediately my body wanted to react and stop, but I couldn't. I drove my body, pushing past the bloodied floor and out the front door into the cold pouring rain, the same rain that witnessed my crime.

Crossing the street to get to my car, in my car window, I could catch Yeonjun just bearly making it out of the door frame and down the stone pathway. Getting in my car, I turned my car on, locking the doors. Yeonjun came running up to my car, tugging on the locked door handle, "Soobin, st-stop!" his voice coming out cracked, once again trying to open my door. "Op-open, the door Soo-soobin. OPEN THE DOOR!" Yeonjun banged on my window door.

In my side vision, I could see his small hands banging on my window and his beautiful brown locks stuck to his head, my bloodied shoe stepping on the gas once, allowing it to roar to life as a warning for Yeonjun to move a safe distance from my car.

"Soobin, please. Don't do this."

I finally looked at him. A small broken smile fell upon his lips as his hand came out to land on my window. Finally letting go of the steering wheel, my hand came up against his, this glass separating us from fully touching, fully being.

But how do you tell someone that the reason you're sad is because you love them? And nothing in this world will ever hurt more than when your heart and your mind are in two different places.

Looking up from our hands, I saw the little boy eleven years back. The one sitting on the edge of the log whom I stumbled on by accident, the little boy who had nothing, who was ready to end it all.

I don't think I saved him then, as I thought I had. But this time, this time I could.

"Binnie," the little boy with a busted lip and a bruise on the corner of his cheek.

Removing my hand, I placed my car in drive with the hope that Yeonjun would move out the way before I ran over his foot and drove off. In my review mirror, I could make out Yeonjun trying to run after my car, calling my name before he finally disappeared.

Driving until I finally passed the 'Come again, Port Deep welcomes you' sign. Leaving behind everything, everyone. Yeonjun.

It wasn't until I passed the sign did I feel the tears rolling down my face. Had they always been there? A mix between a heavy sigh and a sob tore through me as my chest heaved with the fight to keep oxygen in my lungs, tightening my hold on the wheel until my nail beds dug into the covering and my knuckles white. My heart felt like it was hanging on by a mere thread that had stitched the two meaningless pieces together, the piece of thread slowly tearing, allowing my heart to just hang, its burden weight too heavy for the last segment of the fragile string, until it was merely no more, snapping in half allowing my heart to collapse.

The two heavy pieces that were filled with love, apprehension, rage, and compassion fell to the bottom of my stomach. Slamming my hands against the wheel and I let out a scream.

I regret the end.

The way we couldn't leave one another without wounds. The way we made it seem as if all the love we shared was wasted time