[prompt: confessions/cooking]
"i think you'd look fantastic in any of my dresses." xinyan always nibbles at her food, eating carefully to avoid spilling crumbs on those beautiful clothes tailored just to fit her.
she hopes that nobody notices how her cheeks are dusted red when xiangling's around.
she hopes that someday she'll get a break from all these suitors, male and female, that take up all her time.
----
"i'm forgetting everything they say," she tells her mother, begging for the afternoon off. "i just need to clear my head. have some tea in the gardens."
her mother finally agrees, telling her to take someone with her- just for her safety. sighing, xinyan fixes her brilliant red dress and slips down to the kitchens.
"xiangling!" she knocks on the door, grinning at the young chef. "would you be so kind as to take a break with me?"
turning her head, xiangling lets her eyes wander over every intricate detail of that dress. "of course, your hi- um, xinyan. did you need me to cook something for us?"
"just something small," the princess responds, attempting to pull up her sleeves. "i'll do my best to help!"
it still takes xiangling a second to remember she doesn't always have to call xinyan by her title. in the smaller moments like this, when they're in the kitchen together and she has to keep xinyan from burning simple dishes- she claims to like them "extra crispy"- it feels like they've been friends for years.
they end up tucked into a corner of the royal gardens, under the weeping willow tree. the picnic basket sits beside xiangling and silence settles over them, when xinyan nearly slams her teacup down.
"did i burn the tea?" xiangling asks, biting her nails.
"no! no, it's.. it tastes perfect," xinyan mutters, picking at the grass. "fuck it. i don't want to go back up there. i'm tired of talking to whoever the fuck shows up every day. i'd rather run away with you then marry any of them!"
"..you. you what?"
"i'd rather run away with you than marry some girl just because she has enough money to be 'worthy'. i'm sure they wouldn't want to marry me either!" she huffs and takes another sip of her tea, being careful as always.
"xinyan, you just.. you just confessed your love to me and you're going to drink tea like it's nothing?!" she meets her eyes for just a second, then stares at the ground. "i don't really know what to say.. i.."
she's already getting to her feet, heading back inside. back towards the kitchen.
"fuck," xinyan mumbles. she waters the flowers with the rest of the tea and returns inside, leaving the picnic basket where xiangling will be sure to find it.
------
"xinyan, have you decided to accept anyone's offer yet? did taking a walk clear your head?" her mother always speaks so clearly, her voice is always soft. she fits the position of a queen perfectly. xinyan doesn't understand why she would ever give it up.
"xiangling." the name tumbles out of her mouth without paying attention. she picks at the glaze on her nails, her mood turned sour.
"i- xiangling? did she do something to hurt you?"
"i'd rather marry her than some random princess."
her mother is silent, but then sighs. "you can't marry someone ranked lower than you. i'm sure you'll grow out of it. there are several fine princesses who will make good rulers. i will select one myself if you are unwilling to."
"fine." xinyan jumps up from her throne, her eyes watering. it's so stupidly hard to run in a dress. lifting up her skirts, she leaves the room- why did they have a throne room anyways? it served no purpose- and returns to her own quarters. she tears her hair out of the bun it was in, doesn't bother to brush it. she leaves her dress on the floor and climbs into the bed, hiding her face in the embroidered pillows.
how many hours later is it?
someone knocks on the door. whoever it is must have woken her up.
"come in," she calls out, her voice thick with sleep. the door opens and light floods the room.
xiangling stands there, dressed up as if she were going to a festival in town. xinyan recognizes the dress was meant to be hers- a yellow like dandelions, soft fabric and simple designs. xinyan herself is only wearing a white camisole and tights.
"what are you doing-" she asks, but is quickly cut off.
"shh. i had enough trouble sneaking up here." xiangling shuts the door behind her. "get dressed and meet me on the balcony."
and she disappears as soon as she was there.
trying to convince herself she isn't dreaming and it wasn't her fairy godmother or something, xinyan crawls out of bed and puts on her dress, that brilliant red one xiangling said was her favorite. she leaves her shoes behind and tiptoes along the hall, doing her best to avoid the places where the wood creaks. the door to the balcony is already cracked open, streams of moonlight filtering inside.
it reminds her of the balcony scene in romeo and juliet. xinyan pretends she's romeo and pretends she can face whatever xiangling will say.
"can i hold your hands?" xiangling asks. she holds her hands out, her eyes won't meet xinyan's.
"sometimes i wish you weren't the princess." she takes a long breath, trying to build up her courage. it's cold at night, the wind blowing through their hair. "it would make everything easier."
"what do you mean?"
"i'd rather be your girlfriend than your chef."
xiangling squeezes her hands. she's anxious, you can see it in her eyes. she hopes nothing has changed from hours ago.
"i'd like that."
the words are spoken softly, almost torn away by the wind. as soft as xinyan's smile.
"can i.. kiss you?" xiangling asks. her question is answered with a nod. xinyan is tall enough for xiangling to stand on her tiptoes just to reach her lips.
the moment is made of glass and they're both unsure of themselves, unsure of what happens next. both of them would rather freeze in time.
"nobody can ever find out."
each returns to their rooms silently, unable to sleep.
