Growing up I didn’t really care about the way I looked …I was just happily living my life hanging out with friend having conversations with family travelling singing I was enjoying whatever I did before internet knocked on my life’s door .
Looking at those extremely perfect people with their beautiful faces and attractive bodies a online made me feel insecure about my self and body …..according to the internet standers which became quickly real life standers in which everyone believed ……I was literally just a piece of trash that deserves nothing but shame and disrespect …I wasn’t confident I was hiding I was scared and I hated myself and what made things worse ..was that whenever I had the courage enough to post something on social media and talking about courage i actually mean using filters on all of my photos that apparently didn’t work … I found nothing but those 2 likes from my only two friends and a bunch of hate comments telling me to cover up to never show myself again telling that I was an ugly monster a weirdo to even die and disappear from life the nicest comment was from a women giving me tips to lose weight funny thing is that I wasn’t even over weighted !.
Anyways I was fool enough to believe whatever they said to me and I disparately began to think about changing my appearance to be a copy or let me call it a clone of those famous people I told you about , to be honest one of the reasons that pushed me to dive into those stupid thoughts was those crazily giant numbers of likes ,views and comments they got on social media they had it all everyone loved them and respected them they were stars kings and queens having people kneeling at their fake grace waiting for any word from them to be their obedient slave ready to sacrifices anything just to own their attention ..to be honest I envied them I wanted all the lights to be spouted on me I loved watching those numbers grow and I wished them to be mine to raise me up from my humble boring life to the word of fame I’ve always fantasized about .
Deep inside I wasn’t looking for a similar body to theirs …what I actually wanted is to be loved …and famous…. and rich pathetic right? … and after days of searching and thinking I came up with the cleverest idea ,or so I thought , which was that plastic surgery was the one and only solution of my non-existent problem . I was feeling saved and I started daydreaming about my new life but that faded away as I discovered later that I was too broke to afford even the cheapest plastic surgery I required . I didn’t gave up and I got back to my searches to find another solution which was those beauty products sold online that are as was said supposed to make me look better .. I got addicted to buying them to the point of not finding a places where to put them in my room …and they were useless a waste of money and time they even damage my face and affected my health I was conscious about the bad things happening to me because of them but I was hopeless that I couldn’t stop ..
Oneday while shopping online I found the product that will change my life forever … it was a 3d Japanese printed mask that looked so realistic you won’t tell it was fake ….i got the idea of buying and wearing it to put myself into social media again with a new name and for me it was my second chance to reach my goal I ordered it and days later I created my new account and wearing it I was able to start posting again, negative comments disappeared but I was still not getting too much interactions until I posted that video in which I was singing it was a reborn for me ….finally my dream was coming true people loved my voice and they went crazy about it …I was drown in complemental feedbacks and likes everyone was talking about the girl with the magical angelic voice when I didn’t even know my voice was that good until they said it , that kept me up touching the stars to become one of them
I was so happy motivated and powerful … I was uploading a video once a week and I had fun recording them knowing that there is someone somewhere waiting for it with much energy and admiration towards my performance I loved talking to them and replying to them too but I was surprised no one was talking about how beautiful I looked or how beautiful the mask made me look …. And question marks kept gathering inside of my head again …. Is the mask unnecessary? did I waste my money and time while the key to success was always with me ?…could I have been loved without the mask ? do they even care about my face ? they won’t even recognize me in real life what is the point of fame when they don’t even know who I am? ….and I decided to reveal my face to them because I felt fake and it was like I was fooling them but I was afraid they will leave or even hate me …for me they were no longer just numbers they were internet family I couldn’t take that risk yes I was such a terrible selfish person and I’m regretting it for real …. That’s how things kept going Until a video of me not wearing the mask came out yes one of my friends that I trusted did it and it was obvious it was me I couldn’t deny it ..i got mad at her and I thought that the game was over and that I’ll be back to my loneliness again but my followers ….,dear friends actually ,didn’t really care who I was they loved me the way I am and they didn’t blame me on it …it meant so much to me that I made a video in which I expressed my apologises to them I introduced my true self and explained the reasons why I lied to them …they were welcoming and supportive I’m not gonna lie there was few of them that turned into aggressive haters but I didn’t really care about them they belong to the wrong toxic side of the internet in which I was convinced that I was useless and ugly so I didn’t pay much attention for them and I focused on those who truly loved me I was having fun with them they help me improve in the right way they were not numerous but they were enough for me ..now I love myself I love my new internet family it is growing slowly but with much love confidence and respect
