Dead Eyes || Sope

A/N: This oneshot contains mature themes. It explores suicidal themes, self-harm, and attempts. Please don't read if this may be triggering to you. I have plenty of other stories you can read instead. You need to look after yourself first and foremost. In saying this, I tried to not be too descriptive to avoid possible triggers, but regardless the content may and will be confronting. And please, if you need help, reach out to those around you or to a professional.

Jung Hoseok was always known to be the main person who could cheer anyone up within the group. He's seen the comments about him being the human battery, always able to recharge the other members when they felt low. He's seen the comments calling him the sunshine of Bangtan, always bringing an energetic and happier aura to the group. No matter what's going on he could easily make any of the boys smile. So why does it feel like he's a failure? Like he isn't worthy of all of these labels?

The answer was simple. These days he couldn't get any of those reactions out of Min Yoongi. Hoseok doesn't quite remember when it all started, but he had noticed a very subtle, slow, concerning, change in the other. Long gone are the days he used to see that gummy smile. As are the days he could see the blinding passion twinkling in those beautiful eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he had heard Yoongi laugh, or chuckle, not even a huff of amusement.

Now the only reaction he could get out of Yoongi was the briefest harrowing gaze. His heart shattered into a million pieces the second he would lock eyes with him. He hated that the only thing he could see in his eyes these days was a dead, emotionless, empty look. It tore him to shreds to see his bandmate suffering. All Hoseok wanted to do was embrace him and find out what was wrong. Perhaps if he knew the problem, then he could help find a solution.

But that was exactly what was wrong; he didn't know the problem. Any time he had approached Yoongi to find out what was wrong, he would be met with the same response. Every. Single. Time. 'I'm fine' he would whisper, sometimes mutter, other times shout. And everyone knows that's code for 'I'm not alright, please save me'. So like any reasonable person, he offered him a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to talk to. But it would always be dismissed immediately.

There was no point in forcing Yoongi to talk. Clearly he either didn't want to or he wasn't ready to. Hoseok didn't want to potentially push him further away by crossing a line of privacy. That didn't mean that it didn't drive him insane. In fact, it drove Hoseok so insane to the point he would almost yell back at him. He wanted to yell at him that he's not fine. He wanted to scream at him that he fucking cared. He wanted to shout at him that it hurt him that he was hurt. But he never did.

The next part was always what hurt the most. Hoseok simply took a deep breath and walked away. Yoongi wasn't ready to talk, so he would give him space and try again another day. And each time he would go to leave, Hoseok could almost see the small glimmer of hope die in those brown eyes. It got to the point he could no longer see it whenever he approached him. That day when he couldn't see any more hope left, was the day the dead eyes had appeared. It was the day that Hoseok grew even more concerned about Yoongi.

But how does one help someone not ready for help? Because Hoseok knew how little privacy they had sharing a living space with six other men they also happened to work with. He didn't want to cross the boundary. He didn't want to dip his toes into something that may be completely personal. Yet, at the same time, he couldn't stand back and watch his best friend of twelve years destroy himself in silence. He was at an utter loss at what to do.

"Hoseok?" a voice snapped Hoseok out of his thoughts. "Hoseok, have you paid attention to anything that I've said?"

With a small shake of his head, Hoseok looked over to Namjoon who sat on the other side of the conference table, not directly in front of him, but one seat down. His sheepish eyes glanced around the table to see all the attention had been focused on him. And there it was again; those brown eyes. His heart pounded in his chest, not from being the center of attention, but from the emotionless eyes that refused to look in his direction. Hoseok gulped and shook his head once more in hopes to clear his mind for the rest of the meeting.