LOVE TO HATE ME | JENLISA

Chapter 11

Jennie

Tonight was prom. I spoke to Lisa this morning, but briefly, she mentioned that she would go with some of her guy friends who didn't have dates. I teased her about the girl that asked her, and she casually mentioned that she called Tzuyu off after she kissed me. She brought up how she didn't want to go without me, and I had to pretend like I didn't care, that I wasn't fazed, and I think my acting was enough for her to believe me.

Finally, she told me that she'd send me photos of her all dressed up, that she wouldn't be out too late, and that she'd call me once she got home. I don't think I spoke much, choosing to listen to her ramble on and on about how much she wished she could just spend it with me and how guilty she felt that we didn't speak about the whole prom fiasco, and I shut her down, telling her it wasn't a big deal since she was going alone.

It's not like I was looking forward to it, but now that Lisa and I were together, I felt upset that I couldn't go. I mean, I could if I wanted to, but I wanted to honour my grandpa by giving him these thirty days. So when I wasn't studying or turning in assignments online, or talking to Lisa, then I would sit down and recollect my favourite memories of my grandpa.

I wanted to mourn him right, wanted to let him have this one thing since everything else was taken away by my father. It was a bittersweet task to sit down and think of my grandpa and every moment, every laugh, and every story we shared while I tried hard not to cry. It was hard to remember my grandpa. It hurt.

Sometimes the memories were happy, ones that had me smiling so much as I recalled every time he made me laugh, but when the memory vanished, I was left alone, feeling even more empty than before. When it hurt too much, I'd call Lisa, and she'd stay with me on the phone, listening to me, cooing at me like I'm her baby, and she'd murmur sweet words that'd aid in calming me down.

It was such a contradiction to how she made me feel before everything changed. The urge to stab her had lessened over the times that we spent together, but whenever she pissed me off, it came right back. Lisa is sweet. She cares about me. She hates seeing me so upset. It was nice having someone take care of you, nice having someone nagging you about whether you ate or not, and it was delightful having someone to kiss and touch.

I basked in the whole aspect more because it was Lisa, and she wasn't like any other person in my life. She doesn't kiss me because she knows it'll lead to something, and she doesn't give me anything expecting a whole sexual exchange. Lisa doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. When she kisses me, it's because she wants to kiss me. When she touches me, it's because she wants to touch me. When she spends her nights talking to me instead of studying, it's because she chooses to.

It was a breath of fresh air from all the other crappy and stingy assholes that I've been with. Guys who get mad when you don't want to give head or force you down there right after you kiss them. Guys who don't wonder if I've eaten, if I'm upset, or if I'm not in the mood. Lisa was an entirely different breed of a person.

She was always calm and collected, and that one characteristic in her made me like her. I knew she'd never hurt me, never make me cry, and that she'd never lash out at me for stuff that wasn't in my control. Of course, it helped to know that Lisa was the hottest eye candy that I've ever laid my eyes on. I mean, I was attracted to her before everything, but after being with her, the attraction grew ten times stronger.

Lisa was an Adonis carved God that oozed sex, power, and control. She kissed like a person set out to devour my soul, touched me like someone starved for a touch, and she ate me like a beast who would never get the chance to do it again. It was the simple things. The shape of her fingers that traced my skin or the mole at the bottom of my lip. Slender but manly. Long, but thick. The softness of her scruffy hair that tickled my cheeks whenever she kissed me. The deep groans she made in the back of her throat whenever she was turned on.