To Live Another Day

Part Three

The sun beams more than usual today. As soon as she sets foot out of her apartment, the buzzing of the crowd turns on like a resumed movie. People come and go on Mariahilfer street. A few kids share laughs as they point to each others' phone. Tourists take photos and look around in amazement.

Across the street, two beautiful women inspect a retail shop with a red maxi dress on exposé. Behind them there's a couple match-dressed in classic clothing, holding hands, until a bike rings the bell and separates them to ride in between.

She likes to look around. Since the moment she arrived in this city she has found that if you pay enough attention, you can find stories in every single corner. They are like clouds that follow people wherever they go, pulsing in the air when passing by.

She sometimes wonders if her story is visible too. Do people observe the cloud she is carrying with her, or are her signals too weak? Maybe hers does not stand out among the many...

Her chest tightens again.

She breathes in, because that seems to always work at times like this. It's a good medicine, even though she fears the day when her body might deny it and collapse on the pain instead.

She breathes in. She breathes out. It's good for now at least.

The boutique where she rented her dress from is but a few minutes away, so she tightens her grip on the bag and crosses the street. It saddens her to give it away; for the first time in her life she had felt glamorous in it. Were she to keep it, it would be a beautiful token among her mask and the somehow vague memories.

Suddenly, as if summoned, his image pops into her mind. The silver hair, the night ocean eyes, the softness of his hands...

Her cheeks burn in embarrassment before she shakes herself into reality.

Crazy! You've gotten crazy! Pull yourself together!

She did not attend that ball to do these kinds of things. She has been pushing through stress and sadness and pain so many times, but never has she sought comfort in someone else. And even now, she cannot stop mentally scolding the part of her who is curious about the life of that strange man. His distress. If he appeared at this very moment, she'd gladly trade another kiss for some piece of information.

Gosh.

She has officially lost it now. That was nothing but a foolish game, that she knows. As if he would partake in it a second time...he said it was his last.

She is glad to see the entrance to the boutique, to finally occupy herself with the present before rolling in another overthinking spiral. There are two other women inside, so she has to wait a bit, but time passes rather quickly.

After bidding goodbye to the other clients, the owner of the boutique finds her outside.

"Meine kleine Lou!" She says with a broad smile. "I'm glad to see you!"

Lou smiles back.

She is a sweet, old lady. Lou likes her, especially her warm voice and her chubby cheeks that look as if they are stuffed with marshmallows.

"Nice to see you, too, Frau Meier."

"Come on in!"

They go inside where she hands over the dress, trying to shoo away the thoughts about buying and keeping it. It would be too much money for something she would probably never wear again. So she gives it up.

"Did you have fun at the masquerade?"

Fun. That is a strange word to her now.

She liked it, yes, but it was not fun what she experienced at the ball. It was something bittersweet, something rather damaging that brings you into the comfort zone and shoves you over to the other side again. It was like a spoon of water to a man that crosses the dessert. She liked it there, she liked the rules. It's great when people don't ask too much, don't know too much. But she might die if she suffocates herself in too many lies.