One day a little boy named Lord Farquaad fell in love with an Ogre, but the Ogre was hated by many so Farquaad decided to give him a test, so that he may prove himself to everyone else.
He was jealous. He knew the Ogre was in love with the princess Fiona. Since the people loved Fiona (after all she was a princess) he decided to play the villain and capture and imprison her. He raged with jealousy when Shrek came to save Fiona... but he had a plan to get some sexy time with Shrek.
He set many traps around the castle, none deadly enough to kill his beloved, and waited in the room before Fiona's. His plan was to leave Fiona's door unlocked so that when Shrek came she would run out into the traps. Shrek would be distraught and then come to Lord Farquaad (and in Lord Farquaad).
He could hear the angry shouts of an Ogre and his talking donkey friend outside the castle. He decided to prepare the sex toys and ropes he would use on Shrek. He had just finished preparing when Shrek kicked down the door, and unfortunately Donkey was still next to him. His only hope was that Donkey would leave or else he would have to join.
Farquaad smiled "You know Shrek I can return Fiona to you, but only if you do one tiny favour for me"
"Oh Lord Farquaad, saving Fiona was just an excuse for what I'm about to do to you... Donkey, would you like to join?" At first Donkey was confused but when he saw the sex toys behind Farquaad his eyes visibly lit up.
"Oh my, Shrek I would love to COME HERE SUGAR".
