Spectator

One

Seo-Yul. Always the spectator, never the participant.

He remembers all the times he possessed the chance to confess his feelings for Naksu. And yet he never had the courage to do it. Always beset by an exasperating and distressing fear.

Naksu had never left his heart, and after discovering that she was alive, living as Mu-deok, his feelings blossomed and solidified even more.

But, he could never tell her that he loved her. And that was what hurt him the most.

Before, he had not confessed for fear of how she would react if she knew that he knew who she was, and that he loved her. She would probably hate him more than she hated him when she discovered his identity. A hatred as intense as the flames of fire. Stronger than the waves of the ocean.

And now, there was no way to confess. Not when he knew that she loved Jang Uk. If he confessed his feelings, the most he would get would be a pitying look, only to reaffirm what he already knew. That she was always out of his reach, and he would never be good enough for her.

He didn't blame her for loving Jang Uk. In fact, he didn't resent the couple. Seo-yul could understand why she loved his friend.

Seo-yul had always followed the rules. Always possessed by the fear of being punished, of being a disappointment to those he loved. He had never been someone brave. And people had expectations of him. And that was a burden he was destined to carry forever.

Jang-Uk was the opposite.

He never cared about the consequences, and always acted the way he wanted. He probably never felt fear in his entire life. He was willing to risk everything for what he believed in, for what he wanted.

That was the main difference between the two of them.

And that was why Seo-yul would never be chosen.

But he admitted that for a moment, for a brief instant, he allowed himself to dream. He allowed himself to imagine taking action and facing everything he believed in and everyone who expected it. Abandoning everything he believed in to be with the woman he loved. And, a part of him knew that if Naksu felt the same way about him, if she loved him, he would really do something to keep her by his side.

But all she felt for him was pity and contempt. And he would never risk what he already owned for nothing. He would never trade the safe for the risky.

And so he lived. Always a spectator, watching love find its way to everyone around him, while the only thing waiting for him was loneliness, clinging tightly to himself, refusing to let him go and find happiness.

That was his sad and frivolous fate. To watch everyone else's life flourish and prosper, while watching his own life become more and more gray, cold, gloomy. Never to be a participant.