Love Costs

Straight

L: I have to ask you something. (SENT 2:14AM) (READ 2:20AM)

(YOU): Yeah?

L: Do you still have feelings for her? (SENT 2:21AM) (READ 2:22AM)

(YOU): Who?

L: Don't play dumb. I need to know. (SENT 2:28AM) (READ 2:28AM)

(YOU): No. I don't. (SENT 2:22AM) (READ 2:33AM)

L: You've been awfully close lately (SENT 2:34AM) (READ 2:35AM)

(YOU): Well yeah, we're friends (SENT 2:35AM) (READ 2:35AM)

L: You seem like more than friends. And I'm not imagining it; Thomas asked me too (SENT 2:36AM) (READ 2:36AM)

(YOU): If by 'more than friends' you mean we 'work together for the same writing company', then yes, we're more than friends (SENT 2:37AM) (READ 2:38AM)

L: Does she know you're a boy? (SENT 2:39AM) (READ 2:40AM)

(YOU): Of course. She's one of my closest friends (SENT 2:40AM) (READ 2:43AM)

(YOU): Other than you obviously (SENT 2:44AM) (READ 2:47AM)

(YOU): Do you have a thing for her? (SENT 2:48AM) (READ 2:49AM)

(YOU): Cause you can have her. A year is a long time; I don't like her like that anymore. I don't even like girls. (SENT 2:49AM)

It was only a half-lie. I don't like girls; I only liked her. But I am getting over her, it's simply a slow process.

It's very difficult to get over someone you've loved - actual love, not "oh my god she/he's so cute and sweet he's the one I love him it's true love etc." - for almost four years. For three years I had a crush on this beautiful girl with long brown hair and forest green eyes. She never believed me when I told her she was pretty, but I didn't stop; I wanted her to see what I see.

My arms still felt heavy when I thought about her being in someone else's arms. She never though aything of hugging me or telling I was cute, but it meant a lot to me, considering no one else ever complimented me like she did. I don't believe her either but it's still nice to hear, even if I do think she's lying.

She's the nicest girl I've met throughout my entire life.

This forest-eyed girl, as far as I know, has never shown her anger or sadness, let alone taken it out on someone else. She comes to school with a smile and leaves with that same smile. And it's beautiful too; it could probably make the world light up if there were ever an eclipse.

Just seeing her smiling makes everyone else, including me, smile back (I rarely smile).

Like usual, when you start to like someone you get really nervous around them. When she talks to me I get a little flusterred and unsure of what to say, and in turn say really stupid shit and accidentally swear a lot in casual conversation. She doesn't seem to mind, but I'm very self-conscious about it.

This girl is also very talented - much more talented than me, but I can't be angry about it. She's a hardworker, and so everyone believes she's deserved the many awards she's gotten; it makes me want to try harder at what I love doing.

Fortunately, we share a lot of the same interests: books, bands, movies, authors, and television shows. We have a lot to talk about.

Unforunately, when we do talk I only end up blushing or saying something stupid and humiliating myself not only in front of her but in front of the entire school (it's a small school). It doesn't even matter how long we've been best friends - I can find a way.

In my opinion, I'm very lucky to have her as a best friend and to be able to talk to her, even if it did take a year and a half to finally say one word to her (it was "what").

After talking to my friend for another two hours, I became tired and yawned before saying goodbye and turning off the computer.

I stood up and pulled out a small box from underneath my bed. With a key I took from another small box hidden inside the air vent also underneath my bed, I opened it and took a look inside.

It was empty.

However within a minute or two it was not empty.

Within that minute or two, I took out all the money I had left - $25 - and put it inside the box, tucking it back away from sight.

It's a shame she's a Hufflepuff.