"We take a chance from time to time
And put our necks out on the line
And you have broken every promise that we made
And I have loved you anyway
Took a fine time to leave me hangin' out to dry
Understand now I'm greivin' so don't you waste my time
'Cause you have taken all the wind out from my sails
And I have loved you just the same
We finally find this then you're gone
Been chasin' rainbows all along
And you have cursed me when there's no one left to blame
And I have loved you just the same
And you have broken every single fuckin' rule
And I have loved you like a fool" (Keira Knightley)
When we look up the word "lie", it is explained as something said being false, untrue. It's simple as that. One person is telling something that's incorrect, the other person is taking it as the truth. A person lying knows exactly what he or she is doing. He or she intends, in an aware state of mind, to give the person listening false information. As long as the other person does not know, the liar is in a safe place. Whereas finding out the truth can cause some uncomfortable situations. Words cannot describe the feelings that arise in the person finding out. Reactions may differ too, reactions by the liar as well as by the person being lied to.
I remember the day I found out your lies very well and vividly. It was Sunday morning, July 24th 2022, I was with my friend. A hot summer day. I wanted to send you flowers to cheer you up since you were going through a tough time. Little did I know that my life was about to change within minutes. I called the place you told me you were supposed to be. But they said you weren't there. You never have been and never intented to. The truth crashed into my heart at full speed. I felt like a giant claw was grabbing me and squeezing the life out of me. I could feel the floor under my feet trembling, literally.
That was the day that your outlines started to blur into the room around us. I began to see you unclearly, you faded in front of my eyes. Like a dried rose that loses her petals as soon as you touch them. They fell to the ground, crumbling at my slightest touch. That's what you've always been to me, a rose, beautiful, strong and yet so fragile, carrying thorns to protect yourself from all the pain you've been through and that might come.
It was the day you lost me. You should have known better. There was no hope. The weight of your lies, incountable, unbearable, having an impact that made me doubt all you ever said to me. Like smoke, thick and dark, you disbanded in front of me. Trying to reach for your hand, I could only grab thin air. Next moment I felt you stabbing me. Darkness around me. Life, love, hope trickling down the floor, slowly and viscid.
Lies can be hurtful. They are. Show me one that isn't. But the reactions that follow can hit like a forge scale too. I never thought you have such ugly sides inside you. The sweet scent of love you always infolded me with now turned into poisionous mist that slowly creeps into my lungs. Feeling caught you got dragged into a corner, you couldn't escape your own words. I could see your once shining light darken, I could hear your voice getting colder, your words getting hurtful. The pain I felt when watching you turn like that cannot be described. Toxic. Narcisstic. Gaslighting. After feeding me lies you fed me ache and sorrow, based on the hate upon yourself you made me feel like I was the one who did something wrong. But it was you. The man I loved so deeply once.
You underestimated me. I know that now. You always said you're dumb. You were indeed; not only for telling lies, for creating a persona that doesn't exist and make me believe the fairytale was real. You were dumb for believing that this one rule does not apply for you; the rule that the truth comes to light one day sooner or later...always. You were also dumb for believing I would forgive you over and over again. You were convinced that my love for you was so strong that even stabbing me would not stop me to love you. I said I would willingly die for you. But I never said I would die by your hand.
